DIET AGAIN - 2010

MOVED ON TO 2011!!

2011-01-03T16:27:00.001-08:00

My new blog is here. Go there.

Thanks!

THE END OF THE YEAR - BUT NOT THE END

2010-12-28T19:41:00.000-08:00

I read a quote by someone about the fact that we worry about what we are going to eat during the holidays when what we should really worry about is what we are eating the other 50 weeks of the year. So true. We do get very concerned about the opportunities to overindulge over the holidays and there is talk about being unwilling to give up the pleasures of the traditional meals, cookies and cocktails versus all the many ways we can avoid adding calories and pounds and still enjoy ourselves.

In truth, if we have been paying attention the rest of the year - is it really such a big deal to indulge during these special occasions? Beyond the question of forbidden foods and falling off the wagon and all the other ways we label our behavior around food, I think the fear is that we just plain will not stop eating once we start!

In a way this is true of me. There are so many foods I can ignore all around me much of the time. I can eat out in a restaurant and not reach for the bread basket or the chips and salsa. I can say no to dessert without a qualm, I can cheerfully choose the scrambled eggs over the french toast and navigate a buffet spread selecting the healthy items. However...if I have made monkey bread for my family for Christmas morning, I will pick at it all day until the tiny portion I served myself at breakfast has ballooned into hundreds of calories. I will not even consider eating a single cookie from the huge tin delivered to us a week before Christmas, but put a little box of See's peanut brittle in my stocking and I am fixated on it until I can eat it all in one sitting.

So, yes, I indulged. I did the dreaded holiday eating. I only ate 1 roll with dinner and skipped dessert, but came home and ate some of my own homemade cookies while I stuffed the stockings. But guess what? I didn't instantly return to my old ways. I got back on track and within a couple of days I was counting my calories and back to the gym (I admit I did not go to the gym on the Monday after Christmas - I have done that before and it is sooo crowded with guilty people working off their own splurges that it is not worth fighting over the equipment!)

And the bottom line on the No Gain Holiday Challenge so far - I am still in minus territory, having lost weight since Thanksgiving. I'll do my weigh in for my January post on the new site.

My new calendar is up in the kitchen, my new blog site is up and I am ready for a successful 2011. Looking forward to spending it with my bloggy friends. Happy New Year to us all.

TIME TO CHANGE

2010-12-27T14:35:00.000-08:00

When I named this blog "Diet Again - 2010" I was not thinking about the fact that it would only be a good title for a year. I was thinking about something that rhymed with 2010. I am only sort of creative like that! When I started my "diet" earlier this year, I knew that it would be an ongoing thing. One year was not likely to be enough time to meet my goals and really, it is a lifelong thing if I am doing it right, isn't it?

So I need to change the name and change the URL because I am not at all sure why I have that "customer service" title in my URL?!

I thought of using "Shrinking Susan" as my new title, but there is someone out there with some sort of book and blog around that title. I couldn't think of anything else that sounded like me, so I finally just decided on "Fit, Food, Life". It works now and in the future and it covers the bases even if it isn't clever. I created a new blog on Blogger and have a new URL: http://fitnessfoodlife.blogspot.com/. So if you are so kind as to have me in your favorites or on your blog roll, please change me over for the new year!

GETTING THERE

2010-12-16T11:52:00.000-08:00

I have been restoring my photos which had all disappeared from their folders on my computer. My husband is very into backing everything up, thank goodness, so I have not lost anything. I came across this photo.

This is the only picture of me from last Christmas. It serves well as a before picture. Although I have not lost anywhere near as much weight as I would have wished this year, even I can see that there is a big difference from then to now.

So this isn't so much a before and after, but a before and getting there...

THE HOLIDAY DASH

2010-12-15T19:21:00.000-08:00

Dangerous little buggers!!

This is the week I needed to pack up all the boxes that must go in the mail. I made the biscotti - as you may have seen at Cammie's Holiday Potluck - and I have wrapped some of it up in bubble wrap to send to friends and family far away. I ate a few end pieces of those tasty things and that may have contributed to my 0 weight change this week - that and the ham croquettes I made for my husband's birthday on Sunday.

I have never made them before and after all the work I put into making them I was going to try ONE - breaded and fried or not!! They were delicious. Too delicious and too many of them leftover. I finally tossed them out today because they were beckoning me from the frig every time I opened it!! Why is it that Tom has been asking me to make them for him for months - he has 3 or 4 of them and then ignores all the leftovers... and they haunt me?

So this week I am clamping down a bit harder. I packed up all the biscotti, did my shopping so there are lots of healthy snacks and meals and I am up to 3 gym trips already.

MY VIRTUAL POTLUCK CONTRIBUTION!

2010-12-13T10:48:00.000-08:00

These are decadent! I package them up to send to friends. Great with a cup of coffee or tea after a nice meal.

My contribution to Cammy's Virtual Holiday Potluck.

MACADAMIA NUT BISCOTTI

1/2 pound (2 sticks) butter, soft
2 1/4 cups sugar
5 large eggs
5 cups flour
4 cups macadamia nuts ( 2 bags from Trader Joe's)
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons vanilla
3 tablespoons Myers Dark Rum

Heat oven to 325

Cream butter and sugar. Add eggs, then vanilla and rum. Add dry ingredients and mix until blended. Add nuts by hand. Batter will be thick.

Divide into 4 parts onto parchment paper covered baking sheets and shape into logs 1 1/2 inches in diameter by 12 inches long. Wet your hands with water to make shaping the logs easier. (Since these spread when cooking, I just put 1 log on each sheet.) Bake approximately 30 minutes until golden brown.

Let cool a bit, then cut into slices 1/2 to 1/3 inches wide.

Reduce oven heat to 250. Arrance biscotti cut side down and bake 15-20 minutes more on each side until crisp and dry. You may also stand them upright to bake them, just make sure there is room for air to circulate around each cookie.

Cool completely, store airtight.

IMAGINE AWAY YOUR CRAVINGS?

2010-12-10T09:09:00.000-08:00

Drawing on research that shows mental imagery and perception affect emotion and behavior, A Carnegie Mellon research team - led by assistant professor of social and decision sciences Carey Morewedge - found that repeatedly imagining indulging in a treat decreases the desire for it.

"These findings suggest that trying to suppress one's thoughts of desired foods in order to curb cravings for those foods is a fundamentally flawed strategy," Morewedge said in a statement. This study goes against the ages old idea that we must banish thoughts of the foods that tempt us into excess.

The researchers conducted five experiments in which 51 people were asked to imagine themselves doing a series of repetitive actions - including, in one experiment, eating different amounts of M&Ms. A control group imagined putting coins into a washing machine. Subjects were then invited to eat their fill of M&Ms. Those who had imagined eating the most ultimately ate fewer candies than the others. Further experiments confirmed the results.

So go ahead. Imagine the experience of unwrapping your favorite candy bar and tasting that rich chocolate in your mouth. Or the tart sweetness of the cherries wrapped in the perfect pie crust. Or the buttery richness of some homemade holiday shortbread. Or...

MARCHING TOWARD THE HOLIDAYS

2010-12-06T18:59:00.000-08:00

I am finally finished with my training on my new job, so my weekdays are again my own. I got over to the storage unit and lugged all our holiday decorations home and today I started putting things up (and cleaning while I went.) No excuses, but I skipped the gym knowing that I would get my exercise going up and down the stepladder, hauling boxes around and moving furniture.

My weigh in at the gym on Sunday shows I am remaining steady at my 2 pounds a week weight loss. The next two weeks will be critical because I am going to do some baking. As I mentioned before, I am going to be making some biscotti to send to friends. I am also going to share that recipe on Cammy's Potluck. It is such a cute idea - we all share our recipes in a post on our own site which is linked in to her potluck page!

My recipe is not a low cal recipe - it is very rich and yummy: Macadamia Nut Biscotti made with lots of butter and Myers rum. I found macadamia nuts at Trader Joe's so I am ready to bake - photos and recipe soon. Wish me massive amounts of willpower to get through this!!

MY BIRTHDAY LUNCH

2010-12-01T21:45:00.000-08:00

I had one of those interesting experiences I think we all have after working on our diets for some time. It is my birthday and my sister took me out for a nice lunch. I have been diligent about following my rules and making very good choices and intended to do so today.

Then the waiter described the risotto special. I love risotto. No one else in my family likes it, so I never make it at home anymore. I can honestly say I can't remember the last time I had risotto - and the special was made with saffron and shrimp. I looked through the entire menu and decided. I am having the risotto.

I was relieved when it arrived and it was a small serving. (It flitted through my mind that I would have been annoyed in years past. But in years past I would have been taking advantage of the basket of amazing breads on the table.) I took one bite and I knew it was not only the right choice for a special lunch, it was worth breaking the no white rice rule! OMG. It was so good.

And guess what? I couldn't finish it. I got full and I stopped eating. That certainly wouldn't have happened in years past!

THANKS FOR NO GAIN THANKSGIVING!

2010-11-28T14:31:00.000-08:00

I managed not to gobble gobble, as planned. I have lost another 2 pounds this week. I did get very silly on champagne and had a great time on Thanksgiving! For dinner I ate only the broccoli rabe and the turkey with a little gravy, one small whole wheat roll and one bite of my sister's luscious lemon cake.

I have still been avoiding the gym - which is strange. I was there today and I was completely enjoying myself. I was thinking about what has been holding me back from getting back into going daily and I honestly don't know what it is. So I am just going to get up and go every morning - no excuses, no delays, no I'll go later with Ally - because then she doesn't want to go so I don't go...

That is my number one goal for this week.

MY HOLIDAY PLEDGE

2010-11-22T20:35:00.000-08:00

Sarah over at Low Stress Weight Loss is hosting another "No Gain Holidays Pledge Group" for this holiday season and I have joined up! She and I are both hoping to not only not gain - but to lose during the next 7 weeks of merry making.

My Goals

1.) I have already determined that I am going to minimize my usual Christmas cookie baking frenzy. I am going to make some biscotti to give as gifts and make only a couple of single recipes for my family at home. (When I am being honest - my daughter and I are the ones who eat most of the cookies and the ones who need them the least! No gingerbread this year...)

2.) I am going to forgo treats at events I attend. So far that will be a work party and my family gatherings and they understand and support my efforts. My allowed treat will be the cocktails I will drink with my family. Usually champagne!

3.) I will increase my gym attendance and start taking some classes.

The info is on Sarah's blog. Basic rules :

No Gain Holidays is a commitment to yourself to hold the line on your weight from before Thanksgiving until after New Year’s Eve.

Runs 7 weeks (November 22nd – January 3rd)

You can join anytime

This is self-reported : you can post your weight or your weight loss or keep it totally to yourself. Your pants will know even if we don’t.

Join by linking up your blog (or leave a comment) on Sarah's blog!

Come on - join up we will feel so good in January when everyone else is trying to get the holiday weight off and we are ahead of the game!

UPDATING MY STATS

2010-11-21T09:08:00.000-08:00

I realized that in addition to neglecting my blog I have been neglecting my statistics. So I had to post that weight gain. I am not a math person, but even I know that was a statistically significant amount to have gained back.

Today, though, I could post the loss (again) of some of it.

I have not been particularly diligent with my food journal. I have been spotty at best in my gym attendance. I am headed in the right direction and with additional effort I will pick up steam and be back to where I was in the next three weeks and then I will just have to hold on through the holiday season - as we all do.

My extra incentive is that I have a uniform to wear for my new job at a small hotel front desk. (A blouse and vest with my own black pants or skirt.) The blouse fits fine but the XL vest they had does not button. It is fine to wear it open, but with my big tummy, I would look better with it closed - so...that 10 pounds I put back on would have made a difference. Actually I am just soo relieved that the XL blouse fit!

HUNGRY ALL THE TIME

2010-11-15T09:50:00.000-08:00

I had a good weekend. Ally was out of school for a long holiday break and we went to the gym together a couple of times and went grocery shopping one afternoon. Ally is also trying to drop some weight. She is confused about how to approach it.

She is a bit resistant to making an effort to become educated about nutrition and different approaches to weight loss. She just wants to know what is "good' and "bad" and gets mad when I won't labels things that way. Ally is like me, she is carb carb sensitive and more of an emotional eater. Unlike me, she has a limited palate. (Or perhaps she still needs to grow into it.) With her limited likes and stubborn nature, it is hard to direct her easily to a good weight loss plan.

We went through the grocery store aisle by aisle talking about options and choosing foods to buy and how to fit them into her schedule and not look weird at school and if she should try to count calories or cut out fat or carbs or what to do.

And she said to me "But eating this is not going to make me full, I am going to be hungry. So I am just going to have to be hungry all the time?" That made me think of those actresses who talk about being hungry all the time to stay thin. It made me feel so sad and helpless because, yes, we can alter our appetites. Our stomachs can "shrink" and we will feel full with less. I know that there is a difference between mouth hunger and stomach hunger. Between wanting to eat and needing to eat.

But really? During most of this year that I have been losing weight, I have been hungry. I have done things to distract myself because I don't think I should be hungry. I ignore the feeling. I try to embrace the feeling . But I am hungry.

So how do I tell my child she has to feel hungry to get healthy?

STALKED BY SPARK PEOPLE

2010-11-12T13:10:00.000-08:00

I really like the convenience of online food journals. I started a long time ago using one that charged per month. It is still the one I like the best, but I have gotten to the point that I don't want to spend my limited resources on that when there are free options.

Unfortunately, you get what you pay for. All of the sites I have tried have downsides. I was using Fitday for quite some time but suddenly it won't let me log on and won't send me an e-mail so I gave up even though it is full of my personal data.

The latest one I am trying is SparkPeople because I saw that a favorite blogger, Cammy, uses it. But geez Louise! In four days I have gotten , and I counted them up, 15 e-mails from them. I have gone back in and readjusted some of the preferences that I missed the first time in, so it should get better.

Also, it is hard to find the content through all the ads. I am sure my eyes will adjust to that, too. When I have a month worth of entries I will evaluate the site and see if I like it. At this moment, I am thinking that paying the $9.00 a month for myfooddiary.com isn't so bad!

Anyone else using online journaling?

SURPRISE! ...not in the good way

2010-11-11T16:39:00.000-08:00

My absences from blogging here run pretty much along with my absences from the gym and complete adherence to my diet program. I weighed in at the gym last week and was not thrilled but not too upset to see I had gained 7 pounds. It seemed reasonable considering that I have been slip-sliding for about 2 months. I am feeling very jiggly and out of shape, my legs hurt like they did before I started working out regularly. I really am back to a starting point.

So I started back on program on Monday and finally weighed in again today. Surprise! I am actually up 14 pounds! When I thought about it I recalled 2 things. 1.) I weighed in on a different scale than I usually do, and 2.) I was naked.

I usually use the scale upstairs on the gym floor fully dressed, including shoes because that is where and how I was weighed when I first started last February. So, I guess the difference between adding my clothes and the different scale is double! Oh, my. (No wonder the locker room scale is the one my daughter likes to use!)

So it is going to take a bit longer to get back to where I left off than I originally thought. I am back to the weight I was in June. Yikes. If it was just the 7 pounds I thought I could be back on track by December 1, but 14 will be tough to do even by Christmas because I am going to be realistic.

So, I am back. Climbing up the slide I slid down!

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

2010-11-02T09:31:00.000-07:00

We have all heard a lot of negative talk about high fructose corn syrup. Companies have been removing it from their products and advertising that their products do not contain this ingredient because of the public perception of high-fructose corn syrup as unhealthful, including Hunt’s Ketchup, Ocean Spray Cranberry Juice and Wheat Thins crackers.

However, the food industry is now attempting to get around the bad publicity of HFCS by asking the FDA for a name change to corn sugar. Why is the food industry so intent on using this product?

Compared with sucrose, high-fructose corn syrup doesn’t mask flavors, has a lower freezing point and retains moisture better, which is useful in making foods like chewy granola bars. And because the corn crop in the United States is heavily subsidized, high-fructose corn syrup is also cheap. As a result, it’s now used in so many foods that it has become one of the biggest sources of calories in the American diet.

The reality is that HFCS is not any more unhealthy than other sources of sugar, it is unhealthy because it is possible to put it into so many different food products, often in addition to sources of sugar. It is found in products where we don't think to look for sugar. Like Stovetop Stuffing, Cough Syrups, salad dressings, canned soups and tomato sauces and virtually every cereal, cracker and bread product.

At least for those tings there is a label to read, the problem gets worse in restaurants where the use of "layered" flavors has become state of the art in attracting diners and getting them to return for more. The use of fat and sugar in combination is known to become "irresistible" for some people and restaurants and fast food outlets rely on this unhealthy combination to keep customers coming back for more.

The F.D.A. has six months to respond to the name-change petition. If the agency accepts it, the decision on whether to allow the name “corn sugar” on food labels may take another 12 to 18 months.

LIFE

2010-10-29T11:21:00.000-07:00

I have been silent for a bit - things going on in real life. I have not gone off the rails, still pretty much on plan. I'll be back online next week.

A NEW RECIPE

2010-10-20T19:39:00.000-07:00

I have not been inspired to write much about my progress - there has not been much of that lately. I have been firmly in a 3-4 pound see-saw for a month. I have to get myself back to the gym more than 3 times a week and cut out the extra calories I have been eating. I can't really blame it on the work schedule. I think it is just overall boredom and the need to shake things up and get motivated again.

I have been cooking some new things in response to the boredom an this recipe was really tasty and fairly low calorie.

It would have looked better with the scallions!

STIR-FRIED GINGER TOMATO BEEF

12 oz lean flank steak
2 T minced ginger
1 T soy sauce
2 T rice wine or dry sherry
2 t cornstarch
3/4 t sugar
1/2 t salt
1/4 t ground pepper
3 t toasted sesame oil
1 t dark soy sauce (I used regular)
1 T peanut or veg oil
1 14.5 oz can whole peeled tomatoes
4 scallions, halved length wise and cut into 2-inch sections ( which I forgot to use!)

Slice thin pieces of flank steak across the grain. (The flank steak is easy to cut when it is slightly frozen. Flank steak can be tough, so the thinner the better.)

In a medium bowl, combine the beef, ginger, 1 T soy sauce, 1 T rice wine, cornstarch, 1/4 t of the sugar, salt and pepper.Stir to combine. Stir in 1 t of the sesame oil.

In a small bowl combine the dark soy sauce, the remaining 1 T rice wine and the remaining 2 t sesame oil.

Heat a 14 inch flat bottomed wok or 12 inch skillet over high heat until a bead of water vaporizes within 1 or 2 seconds of contact. Swirl in the cooking oil and then add the beef. Spread the slices out so they are in one layer in the pan. Let the beef stay undisturbed in the pan for about 1 minute, letting the beef begin to sear. Then use a spatula or tongs to turn the pieces so the other side can brown, too. Remove from the pan. Add the can of tomatoes with the juice to the pan, sprinkle with the remaining sugar and bring to a boil. Break the tomatoes into 2 or 3 pieces. Swirl in the remaining soy mixture and then add the beef back to the pan. Add the scallions and cook for 3 minutes or just until the beef is heated through and the sauce is slightly thickened. (I found the sauce pretty watery. If you want the sauce to be thicker, add 1 t cornstarch to the soy mixture added to the tomatoes.)

I served this over brown rice.

Per serving (w/o rice)
473 calories
38g protein
16 g carbs
28 g fat
3 g fiber

I think this could be made lower in fat by reducing the sesame oil and increasing the ginger to make up for the flavor.

WORKING LATE

2010-10-18T14:04:00.000-07:00

I need advice and wisdom on how to deal with the nights I work. I leave for work at about 4:30 pm. I usually eat lunch and then a large snack before I go to work. I take something I can eat quickly and discretely during the evening as I do not get an actual dinner break. I have taken things like salad or fruit, cheese and whole wheat crackers. I also take an Atkins bar in case I am really hungry or want something a bit sweet.

I generally eat my "dinner" in two parts during the night before I leave at 1 am. When I get home, I have a cup of tea to unwind. I am frequently very hungry again by this time. I have tried going to bed hungry. I have tried having a little whole grain cereal or an Atkins bar but what I am really craving is some major carbs. I realize that is because this is a comfort food for me and I and trying to de-stress from work and get settled enough that I can go to sleep - so this have been a slip sliding area a couple of times.

So - what to do in the middle of the night? If I save calories for it, I think I will really be hungry during the day but having veggies in the middle of he night is not going to satisfy part of the "hunger" going on. I don't sleep late enough the next day to make up for the "late night meal." Do I just make allowances for extra calories 3 nights a week?

SOME POSITIVE RESULTS

2010-10-14T10:57:00.000-07:00

A woman can dream...

I have been noticing some little differences in my life that I must add up and say are a nice list of positives from my weight loss so far. I tend to see how far I need to go and lately I have had the opportunity to notice how far I have come.

I no longer have to worry if I am going to fit into a booth when we go out. For a while I asked for a table because, if I could even slide into the booth the table was usually pressing into me.

When I took my daughter to the doctor, I noticed that the arms of the chair no longer touch my hips when I sit down. There was a time that I shimmied in and out of those chairs or sat on the edge so I wouldn't be wedged in.

I am now ordering 1X size tops. That means I got 6 new tops on clearance for between $6.-10.00 each. In the past my size was rarely available on clearance. Even better, this puts me really close to shopping in the regular sized stores.

When we were on our trip and had to climb up the hill from the beach to the bluffs, I didn't have to stop to rest or catch my breath.

The towels at the gym almost cover me when I wrap them around me coming out of the shower. I admit that the first time I noticed this I thought they must have gotten bigger towels! Then it dawned on me that I am actually getting smaller...

Sothere are some of the little positives in my life - how about yours?

BACK ON

2010-10-12T09:40:00.000-07:00

I am back online and getting back on plan. I had the experience many people talk about - I was away from blogging, reading blogs and surfing the net for over a week. It was odd at first, I felt a bit remiss, like I neglected to say goodbye before leaving on a long trip or something. Then I just sort of went on with life. Life does that. It fills in around the empty spaces of time and then they aren't empty anymore.

We had a lovely trip for our anniversary. We went back to the little inn where we stayed for our first anniversary 25 years before. It is much more upscale now and we enjoyed the very good food in the dining room and the short stumble up the stairs to our spacious room after significant quantities of wine. The weather was fabulous - warm and sunny. We hiked around and found places on the beaches and bluffs to camp out in the sun with our books, watching the birds riding the up currents of air and enjoyed a coral colored sunset.

I was not "on plan" in the least. I had a taste of how I might live when I am not counting calories and living by my current rules. My husband has been very supportive of my diet plan, but he has been a bit bothered by my not drinking when we've gone out in the last 6 months. I had both cocktails and wine on this trip. I had bread which was not whole grain, I ate some home fried potatoes, we shared a dessert one night and I had a pastry for breakfast one morning.

The pastry choice as a real splurge - there was not a whole grain option and pastries were the only thing available. The other things I ate just a bit and enjoyed the taste. I left food on my plate from the two breakfast meals. Dinner options were great and I had "light" choices and I ate every delicious bite. The night of much wine following cocktails I ate more bread than I normally would - it was GOOD bread and the excuse in my head, of course, was it would sop up the alcohol! I didn't have a hangover in the morning - but I think that is luck - not bread!

But we walked a lot and climbed up and down the cliff to get to and from the beach. My husband is not one to just sit around when we are travelling, but we did have a very relaxing time.

So now I am getting back on plan. Oatmeal with berries for breakfast as soon as I finish this post. Glad to be back online and looking forward to catching up with everyone.

WHAT'S UP

2010-10-05T18:29:00.000-07:00

The computer crashed for good and I have lost access to all my stuff! Hope to get a new one soon. Meantime...I am offline for a bit. (I am on a borrowed laptop right now.)

Also going out of town to celebrate our 26th anniversary this week. Off to the beach!

RULES RULE

2010-09-27T12:16:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of people hate rules. I happen to be okay with rules. I like knowing what is expected of me in social situations (etiquette) and having an understanding of what to do at a flashing red light (rules of the road) and having little ditties to remind myself of things (righty tighty-lefty loosey).

So I am okay with the idea when the author of The End of Overeating said to make rules for myself to help navigate past the foods that are all around me which are speaking directly to the depths of my brain. Studies show that there is a cycle of "cue-urge-reward-habit" which is imprinted on the brain. It is highly automated and below the level of conscious awareness. We must rely on other levels of the brain, the frontal cortex which makes conscious decisions, to override the strong emotional/repetitive behavior. They say the frontal cortex has Executive Control over our actions and that is where the rules come in.

So one of my rules is Whole Grains only. I am eating low carb because I am a carb lover - love the bread and pasta. So when I am dining out, this rule saves me. For instance, the other night, I got out the door to go to work without my dinner. When the staff was putting together an order at about 7 pm and I was hungry, I was tempted. They were going to the Mexican place. I looked at the menu and thought I could order a chicken quesadilla with just a little cheese. But they didn't have whole wheat tortillas (I don't like corn) so I did not order. I was hungry, but I ate a snack when I got home.

I was saved by my rules. The other part of this, according to author David Kessler, is that the response must be automatic. The minute you start bargaining or thinking about it you lose the upper hand. It must be a rigid response to "rewire" the brain.

There are more "food rehab" tips I will write about lateer in the week. What are your rules that help your "rehab"?

MORE ABOUT THE "COST" OF OBESITY

2010-09-22T10:38:00.000-07:00

Have you read he latest study on the "costs" of obesity? There are many interesting statistics which have been pulled together from a number of studies and put into a report by George Washington University researchers. Most of it we have heard over and over about the health care costs being higher and work productivity being lower. This report even adds in the cost of clothing and gas - guess what? Higher.

One thing that makes me mad is that they report that wages for overweight women are lower than wages for overweight men. Men are not penalized for their weight in the workplace, at least when it comes to salary, but women are. Dig deeper in the study and you see that you are less likely to even be hired if you are overweight and white. The highest number of overweight women working are African American or Hispanic.

They do not examine the attitudes behind the lower salary and hiring decisions. I am sure they want it everyone to think it is all about the numbers. But it is well known that working mothers miss more days of work than working fathers because that is how families traditionally handle sick children. If the woman happens to be overweight - she is counted for this as being related to "obesity." Thus overweight women have higher absenteeism. These studies don't scratch the statistic to find the reality underneath and that bothers me.

In the study they suggest more research needs to be done on the reason health care costs are lower for obese African American women. They also admit that more needs to be done to break out the gender related medical costs. You think? Women, by virtue of our biology have higher medical costs, what with child birth and all. Tossing all of that together and calling it obesity related is very misleading and self serving.

Just as misleading is assuming that every medical intervention has to do directly with one's weight. My skinny sister has sleep apnea and so do I, but I am sure mine is "related to my obesity" in some statistic somewhere.

I know I am pretty sensitive on this subject. I am very healthy. I missed one day of work for sickness in five years. I have never been to an emergency room. My health issues do not relate solely to my weight. (ie: I know that my knees will be happier when I lose more but my bad knees are genetic.) I do not have heart disease, diabetes or high blood pressure.

I am tired of feeling like I am the scum of the earth, the cause of our societal problems and that I deserve all the trouble I had getting a job because I am fat. I am tired of being a scapegoat along with the smokers and the illegal immigrants. Even the bankers are treated nicer...

THE SELF ESTEEM DIET

2010-09-19T20:51:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling guilty for not writing more here. I have been working a lot, the training process for my new job seems to be long and slow and I have been stressed and tired because of it. I have actually had time to write. I have just been out of sorts and I have been overeating and not understanding why.

Tonight I was looking around and found an article on self-esteem. Normally I do not feel I suffer from self-esteem issues. Most of the things mentioned in the story don't apply to me. I can accept compliments, I have a positive attitude and try to surround myself with positive people, I don't dwell on my troubles - after all, my blogging name is Mrs. Brightside!! So what could be the problem?

I am happy I found a job, I believe I will be good at this job, I like the people. However, I am frustrated by the training process. Everyone keeps saying how much there is to learn, they keep "showing" me things. I ask to do it, be hands on with the computer, but they just jump in and do it or stand behind me pointing at the screen so that I am not thinking my way through the steps and learning them. Or, it has been super slow during the times I have been working and there have not been opportunities to learn different things. I read and re-read the written instructions, but it just isn't the same as actually going through the steps on the computer - seeing where the forms need to be filled in, where to click, which file things are in, etc. Also different people I train with tell me different things.

So when I asked how I was doing and I was told I need to speed up, I felt bad. I think my self esteem is suffering a lot. I usually learn things quickly and impress people, in this job that is not happening. It isn't that they seem upset, but they did add another training day to my schedule.

According to the article, I need to take responsibility for these feelings, set achievable goals and not compare myself to others (the other new hire has worked in vet care for 12 years!) Certainly, the answer is not to skip the gym and eat too much. Why is that always the fallback response?

Hum. Maybe I do dwell in the negative a bit more than I care to admit. I talk a better game than I live. I need to live up to my talk. Set my goals and stick with them for the job and for my healthy lifestyle.

WILL YOU EAT IT ONCE YOU KNOW?

2010-09-15T09:51:00.000-07:00

Many years ago when my youngest was still in a stroller, they opened a Cinnabon in the mall. Cinnamon rolls for me are one of those foods with so many happy memories attached. A special food made by my mom for special occasions, a tradition I carry on with my own family.

I have never been one to buy store baked things except for bread. I am a bit of a snob that way! But I must say that the mere smell of the Cinnabons told me that they were making a high quality cinnamon roll, and I stopped in and bought one. I split it with my 3 kids and we all loved it. Getting a Cinnabon - without icing because that made it too sweet - became an occasional treat when we went to the mall and they behaved. Then there was a newspaper article about the franchise which disclosed the nutritional content. The fat content was equal to 3 days worth of recommended dietary fat.

I have never eaten another Cinnabon. That was in 1998.

So when people question whether putting the nutritional counts on fast food menus or receipt, as they are doing in one Pacific Northwest burger chain called Burgerville - I say YES! It really can have an impact on people. They use a service called Nutricate which displays the Calorie and nutrition content of the food ordered and shows the customer exactly how many Calories they are eating. Burgerville seeks to be a fast food industry innovator and to set the standard for other chains to follow.

Critics say that people who want a cheeseburger won't care, but my experience says otherwise, sometimes you just need to see the numbers right in front of your nose, instead of having an idea of what it could be floating around in your mind.

I think that is just great, and I hope other restaurants will do the same thing.

A FEW CHANGES

2010-09-13T16:02:00.000-07:00

Well, I added a photo as I promised. Ally took pictures of me before we went out for her birthday dinner. None of them turned out well but she insisted the one I posted was "a good one" (even though we were making silly faces by then) so I am using it until we have another photo session.

I have found that my new work environment is going to be very supportive of my dieting. I will be working very long shifts and it is so busy that it is rare that an actual break is taken for lunch or dinner. As long as I bring healthy, easy to eat on the run foods for the short breaks I will get - I will be set. There is a vending machine, but I did not look at the contents, nor do I tend to carry change. I do not plan to use it - ever.

I do sit at a desk a lot of the time, but I am also up and down to use different equipment, going to the back to speak with the vet and nurses and back up front. I appreciate that I am not stuck in a chair for 8-10 hours. I plan to get outside to walk around when I do get break.

SOME LIGHTBULB MOMENTS

2010-09-09T12:48:00.000-07:00

A follow-up to my post yesterday...

I did go to the library and checked out "The End of Overeating." I started reading it this morning. Already two things popped out at me relating to what I wrote yesterday. I mentioned that I was anxious about my daughter and I was wanting to eat, even though I wasn't actually hungry.

Dr. Kessler writes about the power of opiods within the body to calm us and give us pleasure. The neurons of the brain that are stimulated by taste and other properties of highly desirable foods are part of the body's primary pleasure system. Studies have shown that there are changes in the circuits of the brain after exposure opiods which cause a desire to keep eating beyond fullness or even being interested in the taste. That the drive, in fact, becomes just slightly less than that for heroin.

Reading that makes me feel pretty good that I only ate a peach!

The second thing was about my dislike for the focus on mocking up foods - like making "mock" mashed potatoes. Or tying to mimic the taste of a candy bar with a bunch of artificial flavors in a protein drink.

I have only read one chapter so far about the food industry, but it is very damning. the amount of effort that is made to layer fat on fat and add salt and sugar into everything is just disgusting. And Dr. Kessler names names - Cheesecake Factory, Chili's, Outback and more. Foods have been manipulated, people have been manipulated - so it is no wonder they are trying to re-create what their brains have been taught to crave.

I will be reading on...

APPROACHES TO WEIGHT LOSS

2010-09-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

There was an interesting show on TV last night about the efforts of people to fight their obesity and some of the new scientific knowledge about appetite and the brain. In many ways the information was not new, but it was interesting to see the combination of stories that they chose to tell.

One woman who had "done it all" including stomach stapling and was still over 300 pounds had electrodes implanted in her brain to simulate the feeling of fullness. One man did the whole diet and exercise route, one woman ate huge amounts of food while sleep walking. They had interviews of other people including David Kessler, author of The End of Overeating.

The woman with the electrodes was very hopeful at the end of the story, but I am not sure what a feeling of fullness will do to decrease cravings or eating when not hungry which many of us do. She was saying that she did not have her usual cravings and was eating healthier - so far. I hope they learn a lot from her willingness to try this experimental surgery.

The thing I frequently think about when seeing these stories, or when reading some of the weight loss forums (not so much the blogs) is that the focus remains so much on the food. What I can have, what I can't have. What I can substitute? Making mock versions of things that people love. It bothers me. It is like changing one addiction (unhealthy eating) for another (substitutions/mock food). When I tried a low fat diet many years ago, I did a lot of those things and the minute I tried real food again - I was a goner! Back to the real thing!!

I would really like to make my continued weight loss focused on how I am going to eat going forward. Make it about changing my awareness and habits and expanding my real food choices - including and all those things we are trying so hard to "mock up" in reasonable amounts and on occasion.

Something I did get out of the program; I am going to read Dr. Kessler's book - I keep hearing such positive things about it. So I am off to the library!

GYM HOLIDAY CROWDS

2010-09-06T16:54:00.000-07:00

It was very interesting today at the gym. With the holiday it was a whole different crowd of people. I don't exactly stick to a super regular schedule, but going today made me realize how many familiar faces I usually see.

And the people were behaving differently, too. At one point I looked up from the rowing machine and I saw groups of men in twos and threes, leaning on equipment, talking together. Everywhere I looked, there they were - an image from the movie "The Birds" popped into my mind. After a bit they began to go their separate ways and the image of something being plotted faded away.

It was crowded and I gave up on using the weight equipment and went to another area to do my knee, back and ab exercises. I usually take my iPod off for this but there was a young woman speaking a a loud voice to a man while running on the treadmill so I kept it on. I could not turn it up loud enough to drown out all of what she was saying. I especially could not miss that the F word was one of her favorites. So - is it just me? I think it is unattractive and rude to speak that way in public. I know some people think words are just words, but in public I still think there should be some restraint.

Anyway, I moved on and did a little people watching while I was stretching out and cooling down. There were some older men wearing short shorts. My girls get very upset by the sight of men in short shorts. They don't realize that was what men wore on the basketball and tennis courts 20 years ago - it was the style all the guys wore. Recently I heard a young person say a rude name for speedo swim suits (banana hammock, if you must know) but I was a timer for my high school swim team and have fond memories of those speedos and the boys wearing them!

We may have used more ladylike language, but we knew not to complain about the opportunity to take a good look at athletic young men.

GETTING UP TO SPEED

2010-09-03T12:08:00.000-07:00

I still have a cough and some nasal congestion so I am slowly getting back up to speed at the gym. (And I am wiping the equipment down after I am done so I don't pass it on!) I was happy to see that I still lost 3 pounds in the last 2 weeks since I weighed in.

I have not written a lot about my unemployment and job search woes on this side of my blog - but I did finally get a job! It comes after I decided I was unemployable and started working on a new business with my sister...but I applied for it because it was a weekends only position working for an animal emergency clinic and I thought I could do both. Now it turns out that they want more hours on the new job, but it is night time hours plus the weekends which would make me a full time employee. My husband is thrilled because it means I can bring home the benefit package (he is self-employed.)

So this is going to add many new elements for me to deal with. I will not be home to make dinner some nights. I will be away from home for some of my meal times. I will be working late into the night some nights. I will be sleeping through my usual workout times on some days. My schedule is going to vary wildly - where now I am very steady about when I go to bed and get up. So this will be an interesting set of adjustments. The good thing is that my scheduled work days will be limited to Saturday-Sunday-Monday. The rest of the week will depend on what is happening with the business with my sister and will be flexible.

Interesting times to come!!

FEELING BETTER - A FRESH START

2010-08-30T10:29:00.000-07:00

Last week I had a bad cold. I joked that I went outside my usual little routine of home, gym and grocery shopping and ventured to the mall with my daughter and exposed myself to the big bad world of germs!

I didn't go to the gym or the store or even to the mailbox for 5 days. I was miserable. I didn't concern myself with my diet plan and overate carbs and calories. I will see the damage tomorrow when I go back to the gym. I am not going to beat myself up over it. I see today as a new start. I have been struggling all summer trying to find my way, trying to find my "plan."

I lost the first 50 pounds or so using products from Lifestyle. I was so determined and I stuck with it even though I was hungry most of the time. Then I wanted to go off the products and maintain the calories at the same 1200 level on good foods. I know I am triggered by carbs, so the plan was low carb ( whole grain only, no sugar, fruit ok.) To stay in the 1200 range carbs are not a good choice, anyway. As I said, this has been a struggle. I have had trouble with foods I overate - like peanut butter and oatmeal/granola. I have had trouble with my family being bored by my repetitive meals.

And I don't like that it has been so 2 pounds off, 1 pound back, no loss for two weeks. It is frustrating and I just don't care to always feel like I should be berating myself . So - what to do?

I need a more specific plan. Not back to the products, although I have some left and will use them as snacks and meal subs when appropriate. No Atkins style low carb because that is not how I want to live the rest of my life, but I must be aware of how very sensitive I seem to be to bread/pasta/carbs (have some - want more, more, more!)

I like Cammy's plan of 5-7 fruits and veggies daily, low fat proteins and whole grains. I will need more specifics, just winging it day by day has not been working for me - so I am going to work out a list of meal plans and calorie counts to keep myself in the 1200-1500 range.

Any other input?

BLECH

2010-08-26T13:55:00.000-07:00

They don't need to come up with a cure for the common cold. They just need to come up with a cure for day 2 and 3 of the common cold.

SIZE ALWAYS MATTERS

2010-08-23T12:33:00.000-07:00

Reading the nutrition labels is something I have done for a long time. Looking for the sugars, the types of fat, the protein and the whole grains all in turn depending on whether I am concerned about weight or bulking up my picky daughter's nutrition. I have long known to check out the serving sizes in relation to the calorie counts. That has save me from many a foolish purchase!

I have been entering my recipes into a program which gives me the nutritional analysis and calorie counts and I have realized that I need to pay more attention to those serving sizes. Especially for side dishes. For example, I made a dish the other night which called for 2 pounds of Swiss chard. So the fact that it was 4 servings seemed fine - until I saw what it looked like when it was cooked...it was minuscule. If I placed 1 serving on my husband's plate he would wonder why I was giving him serving like those chi-chi restaurants!

He doesn't care about how many servings his dinner actually is, but I certainly do - so this was a good lesson for me because a serving is 147 calories - now double that!

KNEE CLASS

2010-08-18T20:47:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post about my OA knee class today. I learned a few things and have some new exercises and stretches to add to my routine. The others in the class seem to be affected in only 1 knee, but 2 were more hampered by their pain and one is a trainer and spin instructor who just keeps going through her day and is in pain at night when she stops. So I feel lucky that mine has become more work-out related with occasional flare ups and aches at night.

Anyway, my big question was: do I keep doing things if they hurt? The physical therapist said if the pain stays at about a 3-4 and doesn't get worse, then it is okay. So I can do most of my old routine at that level - just keep going through the discomfort.

I also realized that I am getting more of my range of motion back, so the exercises are working. Hurray.

I have also been using the stationary bike which I find boring, but if I bring my book the time goes by pretty fast. I put the book down every so often and do a speed interval. I have been keeping my heart rate up in the fat burning range even while I am reading - which came as a surprise that I wasn't bouncing around too much to focus!

So for the time being I will avoid the water classes. I can get over being the youngest in the class by 20 years or so, I just don't want to deal with getting wet and showering and all that rigmarole.

EMOTIONAL EATING REARS IT'S UGLY HEAD

2010-08-16T20:20:00.000-07:00

So this will not turn into a tell-all or a tirade. I will say that I am not married to one of those super wonderful guys that I so often hear other women writing about when they describe their husbands. Mine is a difficult man. He is extremely intelligent, occasionally funny and charming, a good dad but not always a nice or patient man. After 27 years I am still stung by him, still hurt and sent off my even keel by his words. (I will say that he never says anything negative about my weight or appearance.)

I don't blame him for my weight issues. Those started with puberty. It was much easier to manage my weight when I was single - not cooking for others. I could shop and cook to my tastes and needs. I've liked whole grains and natural foods since the 70's and changed my cooking for my family...more irony.

Anyway. Because I have been out of sorts for the past couple of weeks, so has my eating. As usual, it isn't like I have gone out and gotten "bad food" to binge on. I have just eaten too much and not lost any weight. I have been going up and down a couple of pounds for a few weeks.

I have been thinking about those groups like Overeaters Anonymous where you get support and learn to deal with emotional eating. I have read the blogs of some women who have attended those groups and I just don't think that approach would work for me. The structure and higher power thing chafes. I did attend a few sessions of a Eating Disorders group at my local Kaiser office. The women seemed nice but they had been together for a while an I felt so outside all the inside stuff. The therapist was very condescending to me when I spoke - it just didn't give me a good feeling.

I have done some therapy work around these issues. I think I know what they stem from but knowing them doesn't resolve them. So I need to get myself to that next level where I am stronger against the impulses to soothe/smother my feelings with food.

So, ladies, have any of you with these issues gotten to that level? How have you managed it? Advice?

WISHFUL THINKING

2010-08-13T12:17:00.000-07:00

I don't think I am alone in occasionally indulging in wishful thinking. I have done this since I was a kid. Something about Samantha Stevens on Bewitched wiggling her nose and being able to make things happen was very appealing and I spent time thinking about all the things I would like to change that easily.

In the past few months I have been thinking about how I want to go back to before my knees started to hurt. It has just put such a damper on my enthusiasm for exercise.

It's ironic, too. Most people with my family history of osteoarthritis and knee replacements have knee pain and so they exercise and diet to relieve the pain. I was pain free until I started to diet and exercise in earnest. Add that to your song, Alanis Morrisette.

Anyway, it doesn't change the fact that continuing to lose weight and exercise will help the pain and ease the symptoms and put off the surgery. The knee already takes on a force of 3 to 6 times our body weight with each step while walking! So reducing the amount of weight it is bearing is the best thing that can be done to help it!

I am going to a "knee class" next week, I have given in and changed up my gym routine to include what I find more boring, but less painful.

A VERY NICE AWARD

2010-08-12T15:40:00.000-07:00

Karen from Waisting Time passed on a nice award to me for which I must sum up my blogging experience, motivation and philosophy in just 5 words!

I can't say that I came into blogging with any philosophy except to be honest about my experiences and not disclose what could be embarrassing to my family. My motivation would be to express myself and to seek community. My experience would be one of support and enlightenment.

So I will share this Blog With Substance Award with:

Tami at Nutmeg Notebook

Peacefulbird at Words Paint

Sskar at Writing to Wellness

Sarah at Low Stress Weight Loss

Thank you all!

AEROBIC HOUSEWORK

2010-08-08T14:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I skip a day at the gym I say I did "aerobic housework" instead. I know that you burn calories doing pretty much anything you do - so housework can certainly be done vigorously in a way that will up the burn.

This weekend we moved a sofa from Tom's office to make room for his new "litigation table." So that meant we had to make room for it in the house. We moved my comfy old reading chair and ottoman out of the master bedroom (and listed it on the Free Craigslist - it's still sitting in the driveway...)

Tom and Zac, did the moving in and out of the furniture and left it to me to do the arranging. In the course of the morning I moved the queen sleigh bed, side tables, eight drawer dresser, armoire and sofa around into 3 different configurations. Of course I did not empty the dresser and armoire and this is all on carpet. Thus, the aerobic and weight lifting component of the day. (I also vacuumed because there were feathers from my leaking former down pillow everywhere!) Then I dusted everything and cleaned the glass shelves and mirrors and picture frames and glass. Finally I was done - hot, sweaty and while drinking an iced tea I wondered about the reality of the workout aspect of my morning.

So I checked out the calorie burn based on the effort and time spent. Looks like I did better than I would have if I had done my regular gym routine! About 620 calories which includes lugging the vacuum up and down the stairs twice because I thought I was done and then rearranged it again and found more feathers...

ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL

2010-08-04T11:20:00.000-07:00

My two slim sisters each have a daughter who tends to the heavy side - we call it the "Bradbury Gene" because that side of the family (which I take after so completely I shouldn't have changed my name when I got married!) struggles with obesity. They have both asked me for advice about how to help their daughters. Mostly I tell them to be honest with them that they have gotten a bad deal. They will have to work harder and pay more attention to their diet than most of their friends. The good news is that more is known about these things now than when I was a kid. In those days everyone just assumed I was a sneak eater with no will power.

Research in the July 2010 edition of Genetics discloses that, in fact some people seem to eat anything they want and never gain a pound, while others seem to gain weight just by looking at fattening foods! This is because genes interacting with diet, rather than diet alone, are the main cause of variation in metabolic traits. This helps explain why some diets work better for some people than others, and suggests that future diets should be tailored to an individuals genes. What works for me, may not work for you.

"There is no one-size-fits all solution to the diseases of obesity and type-2 diabetes," said Laura K. Reed, Ph.D, a researcher from the Department of Genetics at North Carolina State University, the lead investigator in the work. "Each person has a unique set of genetic and environmental factors contributing to his or her metabolic health, and as a society, we should stop looking for a panacea and start accepting that this is a complex problem that may have a different solution for each individual." (Emphasis mine and something I have been saying all my adult life.)

In short, the study with 146 genetic lines of fruit flies and 4 different diets (nutritionally balanced, low calorie, high sugar, and high fat) showed that diet alone made small metabolic changes, including iweight, while genotype and genotype interactions with diet made very large changes. "This study strongly suggests that some individuals can achieve benefits from altering their dietary habits, while the same changes for others will have virtually no effect."

So, for my little nieces and others - hang on, science is coming and may just have more answers to the puzzle to make your life with food easier than mine has been!

WILL VANITY BE THE NEW MOTVATION?

2010-08-01T15:33:00.000-07:00

I have long said that I am over vanity. Those days are past me now. But perhaps that is not true. I find that I am not willing to post a picture of myself on my blog - and it has little to do with maintaining anonymity. Now that my sister and I are starting a business, we are deciding if we will put our pictures on our website and business cards. Skinny and younger, she said no. Thank goodness.

But really, I need to get to the point that I am will to be photographed and published. The photo I put on Facebook is about 8 years old and not that great to begin with. I have never been that photogenic - my eyes go squinchy when I smile and now that I am older that just means the wrinkles are really pronounced.

HOWEVER - I have decided that by the end of August I will post a picture of myself on my blog. I hope that the waddle under my chin which replaced the double chin I used to have will be reduced by then...but even if it is still there, I will post it!

CARBO LOADING - A RECIPE!

2010-07-28T09:09:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to help Tom with his pre-Century ride nutrition, I was serving more carbohydrate laden meals than I have been in some time. I found a new recipe that I thought I would share as it was not only very tasty, but low fat for those not concerned with their carbs.

Me, on the other hand, I got a little too involved in the carbo loading and didn't lose any weight last week - so it is back to basics for me - Geez it is amazing how fast I start craving the bread and pasta once I get a taste!

Salmon, Asparagus and Orzo Salad with Lemon Dill Vinaigrette

1 pound asparagus, trimmed and cut into 3 inch pieces

1 cup uncooked orzo pasta

1-1/4 pound salmon filet

1/4 t salt

1/4 t pepper

1/4 cup thinly sliced red onion

Lemon-Dill Vinaigrette

1/3 cup ( 1.3 ounces) crumbled feta cheese

1 T chopped fresh dill

3 T fresh lemon juice

2 t extra virgin olive oil

1/4 t each salt and pepper

Combine all ingredients.

1. Bring large pan of water to boil. Add asparagus and cook until crisp/tender, about 3 minutes. Remove from water with tongs or a slotted spoon and plunge into iced water to stop cooking. Drain and set aside.

2. In remaining boiling water, cook orzo without added salt or fat. Orzo should remain al dente. Drain and place in large bowl when done.

3. While orzo cooks, season salmon with salt and pepper. Cook under broiler or on grill (using foil to avoid grill marks) until fish flakes easily, about 5 minutes. Using 2 forks, break fish into large chunks.

4. Combine fish, orzo, onion, asparagus and dressing in bowl, toss gently to coat.

I served this at room temperature. I think it would also be good if all the ingredients were made in advance, cooled and tossed together at serving time. Leftovers the next day were good, but a little bit dry. A fresh squeeze of lemon brightened them up!

Six servings (1 1/4 cup each)

353 calories

15 fat

25.8 carb

27.4 protein

IT'S JUST ONE DAY

2010-07-24T22:02:00.000-07:00

Today I was driving up and down the San Mateo coastline between Moss Beach and Santa Cruz. My husband and son have been training and preparing for this day for a couple of months - a hundred mile bike ride and I was their support vehicle.

After they came up with the idea, they got together and drove the route, checking out the grades of the hills, the size of the bike lanes and road shoulders, the conditions of the roads. They have been going to spin classes, going on ever longer training rides (Zac, our son, in Monterey and Tom here in the Pleasanton Tri-Valley area.) They have been doing a lot of hill climbing and talking about their nutrition and tuning up their bikes. They checked the weather and the winds and their equipment and their maps and on and on. It has been quite a project.

We arrived at the meeting place in Santa Cruz at 8am and they were on the road by 8:30. I hopped in the car and went up the road about 12 miles or so to surprise them at the top of one of the smaller hills by waving a big colorful rainbow flag we have - like it was the Tour de France.

They thought it was pretty funny, but Tom was not looking too happy. He was cold and he said his legs were feeling dead. They rested a few minutes and pushed on. I stayed and had some breakfast and then went on down the road, but after about 6 more miles I saw them on the side of the road again - so I knew something was wrong. Tom was feeling sick. We put his bike in the car and he wrapped himself in a blanket and dropped off to sleep as I went down the road to the next rest stop and Zac rode on alone.

The rest of the day, Zac rode alone and Tom just felt terrible. Terrible because he was sick and also because he had put so much time and energy into training for this and now Zac was out there alone.

And isn't this how we feel when we fail to live up to our diet and exercise plans? We feel like everything we have done has been a waste - how silly that is. Of course it isn't a waste! Everything we have done hasn't been for just one day. It is for the many, many days on our bikes and in our lives. All the training just makes us ready for more challenges, it doesn't just disappear immediately - we can keep building on it, getting better and stronger.

That's what I told Tom and that's what I keep telling myself every time I skip a few days at the gym or go over on my calories - it is a long term thing, not about just one day.

WEIGHT GAIN AND UNEMPLOYMENT

2010-07-22T20:56:00.000-07:00

One of the first things I thought of when I lost my job 16 months ago was that I would have more time to devote to the gym and getting healthy. I was on my feet much of my work day and I enjoyed that. I had started to get up early and go to the gym before work a few days a week, but the stresses of the job were hard on me. And I am an emotional eater - so the pounds stayed put. At least I wasn't gaining.

But the bright side of unemployment didn't manifest for me - and apparently they don't for many unemployed Americans. Forbes magazine reports that the unemployment rate may just be a contributing factor to the rising obesity rate. When the unemployment rate was 6% the obesity rate was 33.8%, by 2009 the unemployment rate climbed to 9.7% and the obesity rate climbed with it to 34%.

One woman interviewed said "It was an easy decision to cancel my (gym) membership," she planned to run outside and do more yoga videos in order to keep in shape. "But almost six months later I've packed on 15 pounds and the running shoes I bought to encourage myself to run are still in the box." She also admitted to snacking a lot more. "I probably consumed my weight in Wheat Thins each week."

I didn't quit my gym membership and I continued to go at least a few times a week, but I wasn't working very hard. I grew more depressed and was eating more and didn't feel my best. By the end of the year I had reached my all time highest weight. I kept watching the numbers on the scale climb, almost as if I was daring myself to go higher and higher. I finally realized that my feelings were not normal and went to the doctor and asked for a referral for counseling.

That turned things around. Admitting that I was depressed and that I wasn't being rational got me on the road to being healthy. There are so many people out there who are unemployed, depressed, lost in their sad feelings about their situation. Trying to save money by not eating the healthiest food choices. Sitting in front the computer all day, not getting out and getting exercise. Eating "treats" to make themselves feel better. I know, I was there a year ago.

I hope that those people get the chance I did to break out of that depression and get moving and get healthy. Unemployment sucks. No doubt about it. Feeling better about yourself, however, rocks!

SCIENTIFIC PROOF LIFE IS NOT FAIR!

2010-07-19T17:31:00.000-07:00

I loved the twists in the article I read in the NY Times about diet and exercise. There has been some question about just how valuable exercise is when dieting. Mostly because exercise at the level most of us actually participate, we just doesn't burn that many calories.

“In general, exercise by itself is pretty useless for weight loss,” says Eric Ravussin, a professor at the Pennington Biomedical Research Center in Baton Rouge, La., and an expert on weight loss. It’s especially useless because people often end up consuming more calories when they exercise.

“The body aims for homeostasis,”wrote Barry Braun, an associate professor of kinesiology at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, in the American College of Sports Medicine’s February newsletter. It likes to remain at whatever weight it’s used to. So even small changes in energy balance can produce rapid changes in certain hormones associated with appetite, particularly acylated ghrelin, which is known to increase the desire for food, as well as insulin and leptin, hormones that affect how the body burns fuel."

Here's where it gets unfair:

In physiological terms, the results of one study “are consistent with the paradigm that mechanisms to maintain body fat are more effective in women,” Braun and his colleagues wrote. In practical terms, the results are scientific proof that life is unfair. Female bodies, inspired almost certainly “by a biological need to maintain energy stores for reproduction,” Braun says, fight hard to hold on to every ounce of fat.

On the other hand, if you can somehow pry off the pounds, exercise may be the most important element in keeping the weight off. “When you look at the results in the National Weight Control Registry,” Braun says, “you see over and over that exercise is one constant among people who’ve maintained their weight loss.”

At least the very latest science about exercise and weight loss has a gentler tone and a more achievable goal that the study that came out suggesting women needed vigorous exercise an hour a day, every day to maintain weight. “Emerging evidence suggests that unlike bouts of moderate-vigorous activity, low-intensity ambulation, standing, etc., may contribute to daily energy expenditure without triggering the caloric compensation effect,” Braun wrote in the American College of Sports Medicine newsletter.

In a study Braun just completed in his energy/metabolism lab, volunteers spent a day sitting and then a day standing. The volunteers who stood all day not doing anything in particular, metabolised a significant number of calories without triggering their appetite hormones. So you don't necessarily have to get on a treadmill, just get off the chair more!

I THINK I CAN DANCE

2010-07-15T10:44:00.000-07:00

No matter how much I change up my exercise routine, I get bored sometimes. I really enjoy it more when I have new music and I frequently change my playlists. I am always switching around the music so it always seems fresh, adding new tunes in here and here. I recently added a whole playlist of old Stevie Wonder tunes, they are really compatible with rowing.

Even so. There I am, day after day at the gym. On the equipment. Yes, sometimes I go for a walk or ride my bike outside, but when I am at the gym. I am at the gym...again. So it is up to me to take myself somewhere else - in my head.

My favorite thing to do when I am on the Nu Step is to close my eyes and just get lost in the music. I can really shut out all the sounds of the gym and transport myself back in time to the many places where I danced and danced through the nights. I am no longer a big, old woman in the gym, I am young, graceful and rocking out to the Eagles or Fleetwood Mac. In those days we didn't go to "clubs." We went to bars. Bars with music.

In my head, that's where I go while I am working out in the gym. And the time just flies away.

NOT WHAT YOU EAT BUT WHAT YOU ABSORB

2010-07-13T18:42:00.000-07:00

We have all known those people who eat the same things we eat, sometimes a lot more, and never gain weight. So that must mean they are expending more calories, right? If you stick with the old calories in, calories out theory that would be the case. However, new research shows that calories that count are those extracted by your digestive enzymes and the trillions of bacteria in your intestine.

People whose gut bacteria are better at digesting fats and carbs than their neighbor’s will absorb all 1,500 calories in a Friendly’s Ultimate Grilled Cheese BurgerMelt, while the neighbor will absorb fewer.

A study done at Washington University showed that obese mice and slim mice have different populations of gut bacteria. Crucially, they showed that the bacteria caused obesity, rather than obesity producing a specific mix of bacteria. When the scientists plucked bacteria called Firmicutes from obese mice, then put them in the bacteria-free guts of mice raised in a sterile environment, the latter bulked up within 10 to 14 days—even though they ate less.

Why? Firmicutes, it seems, are more adept at liberating calories from food than are bacteria from the other common lineage, Bacteroidetes. Firmicutes can digest complex sugars that neither the mice’s own enzymes nor Bacteroidetes can, breaking them into simple sugars and fatty acids that the mice’s intestines then absorb and turn into more mouse. People harbor bacteria from these same two lineages, with the obese among us having more Firmicutes and fewer Bacteroidetes than slim people, exactly as in fat and lean mice.

The study then had 12 obese people follow either a low-fat or a low-carb diet to lose weight, the result was more Bacteroidetes and fewer Firmicutes—the profile of slim people. The more Bacteroidetes, the more weight the volunteers lost.

Although the diet experiment shows that losing weight can tip the bacterial balance away from bugs that extract the maximum calories from what we eat, what’s needed is a way to tip that balance and thereby lose weight, rather than lose weight and thereby tip the balance of gut bacteria.

So the next big push is to determine if there is another way to alter the bacteria (in a safe way) before making the dietary changes. There will certainly be those questionable marketers who will rush out with claims they can change your intestinal bacteria with their product However, at this time, there is no support for that approach.

In fact, it is possible that one component of the obesity epidemic is actually the widespread use of antibiotics which have changed the bacterial make-up of millions of Americans. This may even explain the upsurge of diabetes on the theory that the bacteria changes are altering the immune system. “I think the idea that foods, drugs, or other things in our environment might contribute to the epidemic by changing gut microbes is a distinct possibility" says Randy Seeley, an obesity researcher at the University of Cincinnati.

So all those years you though your metabolism was shot? Or that you were just so different from other people when it came to calories? You just might have been right!

BAGGY CLOTHES

2010-07-10T20:07:00.000-07:00

I have always loved clothes and fashion. One of the most frustrating things about being overweight is the shopping. the clothes are so limited and ugly and poorly made. I have long felt that the dregs of the fabric industry are saved for the plus size manufacturers because it is so rare to find an attractive print.

Anyhow, I look forward to the day when I can shop the whole store and not one tiny "department." I really look forward to the day when shopping online for clothes is something I choose to do instead of the only option. Right now I am in a strange clothes phase. I have posted before about taking in my pants. I have done it a lot...the front pockets are starting to migrate toward the back! But that's OK.

It's the tops I am troubled with. I have a lot of polo shirts and short sleeved cotton blouses which are not suited to being taken in. But when I shop for new ones, they feel skimpy. I know the shirts I am wearing are really baggy and unattractive, but I can't seem to find anything that fits right. I must be between sizes, or the shirts are just not cut with the right proportions for me. I agree with Stacy and Clinton of What Not to Wear that oversize clothes make you look bigger, but I also don't want my clothes to be tight. Skimming the body, maybe. Some space between me and the fabric, definitely!

I have a few tops that I save for going out because they still fit pretty well. Not quite so baggy, yet. And I have some old ones boxed away that I still don't quite fit back into - I tried some on this morning just to see.

Maybe by fall my weight loss and the clothes in the stores will make for a better fit!

FOOD FANTASIES

2010-07-08T16:35:00.000-07:00

I bought a 2 pound container of blueberries at a great price the other day. They are that perfect sweet/tart and juicy and I am enjoying them for breakfast with my low carb cereal.

My fantasy is to take that big container of blueberries and make a delicious blueberry crisp. Every time I open the refrigerator and see that nice big container I think of a blueberry crisp. Something about the abundance of blueberries gets my mind going...so from now on, I am only buying blueberries in smaller containers because that does not seem to stir up the same desires. It is so odd the way the mind works.

I was thinking about this when I was grocery shopping. As I walked the aisles I thought What would I buy if I could eat anything I wanted with no repercussions, no guilt? I thought of sweet things. And chocolate things. I looked at the breads. I considered chips and crackers and the things I could dip and spread on them. I looked into the bakery and through the freezer cases. And, yes, some of my old friends beckoned. I saw those Hagen Daaz bars and gave some thought to polenta.

Weird thing is? Nothing stood out. There was nothing that seemed to be that one perfect thing. Here I was giving myself permission (in my mind) to pick the "ultimate cheat" - and there was nothing I especially wanted.

Like I said - so odd.

Or is it just me?

BACK TO BASICS IT IS

2010-07-08T09:04:00.000-07:00

I just posted a comment on Karen's blog say that we are all looking for something great and it isn't going to be found in food. Now why is it that I have that great insight when I am commenting on some one's blog but not when I am in the middle of my own grazing forays in my kitchen?!

I know, I know. None of us do, and that is why we band together in tribes and therapy groups and blogospheres! It takes a village to get healthy.

So my shipment of my program product came yesterday and I am back on with the small addition of 2 fruits a day. I will not miss out on my beloved summer fruit.

Thanks all for your comments and support!

I FLOPPED THE FOURTH

2010-07-05T16:25:00.000-07:00

I don't know what has gotten into me this weekend - oh! Yes I do - too much food!

I just don't know why I suddenly started eating so much. And not even particularly special food. Just so much of it. I even had a stomach ache last night. It has been a very long time since I have had so much to eat that I caused myself pain.

It didn't make me feel better. I wasn't feeling bad. Just sort of bored and at loose ends. I made Tom his special cookies from his sports nutrition book - they are for him to take on bike rides for energy. I tasted the batter. I ate some of the cookies. It just got me going. A taste of this and that. Grazing around. Nothing satisfying because, of course, I wasn't hungry and food wasn't really what I was looking for. I kept telling myself that and then half an hour later I would be wandering into the kitchen again.

It didn't help that I was watching a movie with lots of good food in it, I suppose. (I finally watched "It's Complicated.") And yes, I made that connection, too. But I kept wandering into the kitchen tasting this and that until I went to bed.

Then this morning I was dressed and ready for the gym when I decided to work in the yard first while it was still cool. So I changed and worked in the yard for an hour or so and just when I was about finished, I got a call that Tom's bike had broken down and he needed me to go pick him up. I changed out of my dirty gardening clothes and drove off to get him. By the time we were back I made his lunch and then I made myself a sandwich, too. A whole sandwich on a ciabatta roll. I have not had that in over 8 months.

So was that a expression of my frustration? I suppose so. I couldn't say what I was feeling. I think I am very closed off from my feelings right now. Maybe I am eating to try to stir up some feelings.

I don't know if this is a publish worthy post. No insight. I am wondering If I need to go back on my program for a few weeks to get myself back on track. I have been so on and off this past month and now this.

A NEW LIFE?

2010-06-30T14:50:00.000-07:00

Since I started this effort to get fit early this year, I have lost 61 pounds. I was watching a commercial for Jenny Craig (or one of those diet programs) and a woman who had lost about that much weight and looked to be about a size 4 was talking about how she loves her "new life."

Those of us who are very much larger and have a lot more than 60 pounds to lose to get to a healthy weight can look at that commercial and think - well, a lot of things!! One thing would be that we wish we had gotten started on the weight loss when we only had 60 pounds to lose!

My thought was that the commercial is misleading when it suggests that you get a new life if you lose weight. It is really unfair to advertise that way. You get a lot of fabulous benefits, not the least of which is better health and the ability to shop in the 12 fashion departments of the stores and not the tiny little 5 rack Plus Size section hidden in the far reaches of the store next to the Maternity Shop by the Ladies Room.

The reality is that your life goes right along with you on your journey to fitness and a better BMI. Hopefully you will be more energetic and take advantage of more opportunities. You will enjoy the benefits of better health and attractiveness. Spend more money on cute workout clothes and less on take out food. Go on long walks and hikes and bike rides instead of hanging out on the couch.

So the first 60 pounds lost has not given me a new life - but it has shown me how to go about living the life I am living better.

SWEATY SUNDAY

2010-06-28T11:01:00.000-07:00

I had my highly anticipated meeting with a trainer on Sunday morning and boy did I get a workout! I learned a lot and I will be saving my pennies for another session with her.

Just a few tweaks to my position on the NuStep machine and my workout was kicked up like crazy. It wasn't that I was doing it wrong, just that I had been doing it the same way, in the same position on the machine for so long that I had adjusted to it and was no longer getting a real benefit from my workouts. She had me move the seat up and wow! It was so much harder to do again! I had thought the seat position had to do with my height, but in fact, the position is part of arranging how and which muscles are used. By adding in the variations, I am changing up the workout and hopefully I'll be able to avoid another plateau like the one I have been on.

I also have some changes for my lower body weight workouts and an entirely new upper body weight routine using a cable machine. So I am very happy that I stopped that trainer to ask a question and that she was so generous with her time. I Can tell it is really going to make a difference!

ROWING GETS MY HEART GOING!

2010-06-23T18:50:00.000-07:00

So I strapped on the heart rate monitor again today and within 2 minutes on the rowing machine I had entered my target heart rate zone. What a difference! I rowed for 25 minutes at an average rate of 110 versus an average rate of 88 on the Nu Step in my previous workout.

I am hoping that using this tool, I will make my work outs more effective for my fat loss. I am still hovering at the same weight. I have been good about my calories, so the only other thing I can blame my plateau on is the fact that I had a very tasty Mojito on Sunday at my sister's house. I know better...alcohol slows the metabolism - up to four days according to someone on some TV show! But I was not able to confirm that anywhere in an Internet search. (Research shows it is several hours per drink, depending on what it is.)

Plateaus happen. I am on one. I think I have found a way to kick things up and I am just going to savor the memory of that Mojito and get on with it!

THE NUMBERS GAME

2010-06-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

So the numbers are the story this week. I tried the heart rate monitor this morning during my workout. I decided to just do my 40 minute routine on the Nu-Step without looking up the charts so I could see what my actual rates have been without pushing toward a specific target.

For my age I should be aiming to work out (for weight loss) in the 99-148 range. I was working out in the range of 86-89 through most of my workout. When I did some high intensity intervals, I went up into the 100 range.

So this means that I need to get my intensity up during the entirety of my workout. I have been working at about 55% and I need to aim for 75% of my maximum heart rate. Tomorrow I am going to do 30-40 minutes on the rowing machine. My heart rate should be higher as it is a much harder work out for me.

But the numbers will tell...

HOVERING

2010-06-21T14:39:00.000-07:00

I am hovering on the brink of dropping below a milestone weight. One where you get to move the big weight over a notch on the scale at the gym. I keep hopping on the scale trying to see if I can go down a notch, but the balance likes the higher one better.

Maybe tomorrow.

My initial meeting with the trainer on Sunday morning was just an evaluation and we will meet next Sunday for the new workout. I need to borrow my husband's heart rate monitor to see if my heart rate is in the right zone while I am working out. That is my assignment for the week from her.

My assignment from me is to move that weight down to the lower notch!

OBSESSION

2010-06-18T10:15:00.000-07:00

I have a new obsession.

When the blueberries finally came in season and I started eating them each day, I looked around for a little crunch to add to the experience. This granola is amazing. Low fat, low sugar, crunchy heaven.

So, of course, I want to eat it night and day.

I make little deals with myself. If I take the dog for a walk I can have some...

Today on the rowing machine when I was getting tired and I wanted to stop. I kept saying in my head (oh, I hope I said it in my head)

GRAN-O-LA. GRAN-O-LA. GRAN-O-LA. GRAN-O-LA. GRAN-O-LA.

Like I said. Obsessed.

I was afraid to weigh in, but I lost a pound. So I don't have to banish it (like the peanut butter) - yet.

MY KIND OF SUMMER LOVE

2010-06-16T18:59:00.000-07:00

One of the goals I have for this month is the switch from my packaged "diet" foods over to real food but keeping my calorie counts about the same. The ease of the packaged foods and the one "lean and green" meal was a great way to get things started and I have been happy with the quick weight loss.

Now that the wonderful summer fruits are out I knew I would not be able to keep away from them and it is time to "get real." It requires much more effort to plan my meals and to count my calories. My daily food logs went from a consistent 6-8 items to 12 and 15 even 20! All depending on how many ingredients go into what I am making. I am going to streamline some of my regular meals and enter them as "favorites" to make it quicker!

The good news is that I have been managing to maintain the calorie counts in the 1200 to 1400 range which was my goal. My weight loss will likely slow down, and that is ok. I was losing 12-15 pounds a month which is great but unrealistic for the long run.

Besides, today I had blueberries and a pluot and I have apricots and nectarines almost ripe and ready to eat...that's worth a little slow down on the weight loss.

MEET MY NEW FRIEND

2010-06-14T16:19:00.000-07:00

I spent the last week with ice packs and Advil and feeling sorry for myself and then I just decided to try something new. I am really happy with this new friend I met at the gym:

The rowing machine (not the model on it)! I was not sure that it would work with the knee issues, but the Internet research indicated it would so I gave it a go and I loved it. It is a really good workout (duh) and easier to figure out than I expected (not as uncoordinated as I thought) and it did not hurt while I was on or after.

The bonus was that I asked one of the trainers to just check out my form to make sure I was doing it right and she offered to give me 2 free training sessions! So I am scheduled for Sunday.

I am feeling so much better about things this week. Hurray.

MY CLOTHES ARE TOO LOW CLASS FOR MY TOWN

2010-06-09T18:54:00.001-07:00

Sing "My clothes are low class for my town" to the tune of "I'm too sexy for my clothes" and see how you feel...

I have been emptying out the closets of my now too large clothing. Most of it is well worn, scruffy, wear around the house kind of stuff. I do have a few things for occasions and holidays that are nice and barely worn and even a few things bought on sale at the end of the season which were never worn.

I took a dozen things to the Lotus consignment store in Pleasanton which does NOT call itself a "designer" or "upscale" store. I had done my research and I knew my clothes would be rejected in those stores. My most upscale label being Coldwater Creek!

Well, they turned each and every item down. They won't take elastic waistbands even in linen shorts. They won't take cotton summer dresses (too cheap). No explanation on the rejection of the sheath with beaded sweater combination (maybe because it was from Dress Barn Woman?) They would take the silk blouse from Ann Taylor except that they needed $200.00 worth of clothes to open an account. Th sales woman was trying to be nice - but boy did I feel like I have been told I am low class or something! And I have a tough hide about these things.

I said something to her about the styles and labels being known to plus size women (I had a couple of Silhouettes catalog dresses) and explained that the prices of the dresses don't tend to run very high unlike a lot of the designer clothes. She kind of pointed to a rack of clothes and said that they had a plus size section but the owner wanted to keep the prices up at a certain level.

So it seems that, once again, the plus size woman is shut out. I work really hard to dress well. To fit my body and look nice and well groomed. In this shop I felt I was being told that is not good enough. Designers and labels that they think are worthy don't even make clothes that would fit me. So that makes me unworthy, too - right? How else am I to feel?

I will donate my clothes to the American Cancer Society Discovery Shop and they will sell them and that's fine. But I tell you, I will never shop in those consignment stores no matter how small my size gets.

SPRING FOCUS CHECK IN

2010-06-08T09:03:00.000-07:00

Okay. I would say I am back on plan about 85%. I keep caving in to disruptions, like having my son come to visit and making broccoli salad which , even though I made a lower fat version and left out the cheese, was like an addictive substance! Wow. I couldn't let that stuff alone!

So I am now 1 pound down from my weight gain, a total of 8 pounds down since the challenge started May 4.

Goals for this week:

1.) Stay on plan 100%

2.) Exercise 5 times

3.) Call doctor about physical therapy for knee pain

4.) Get out on bike in addition to gym work outs

The only event I have this week is my nephew's graduation and my sister is a big supporter of my diet so she will have something for me to eat that won't throw me off plan. She already asked. Oh, and I told her - don't even tempt me with champagne!

CARROT ON A STICK

2010-06-03T22:24:00.000-07:00

I am down four of the five pounds that I gained since mid-May. I am back to the gym on a regular basis, but with less enthusiasm, mostly because my knees are hurting. I am enjoying the summer fruits starting to come into the market and just generally I find it is easier to eat lighter meals when the weather is warmer.

So why do I feel so blah about things? Could it be because I need a little more motivation than just doing fine? Do I need the proverbial carrot dangling in front of my nose? I think so. I am going to make a list of upcoming events to aim some goals for:

* Late June - Family BBQ - Lose 1 remaining backslider pound plus 6 more.

* Late August - Back to School Time - Lose additional 25 pounds.

* October - Old Friend Visiting - Lose additional 25 pounds.

So those are my carrots - mostly to do with my appearance in front of people who I have not seen in a while. I suppose it would appear I am losing weight for other people...but really I am just looking forward to shopping for nice new clothes for when I see people!

SPRING THING UPDATE

2010-06-01T15:07:00.000-07:00

So I sign on for this Spring Focus thing thinking - no problem. I am sooo on track. This will just be a fun, meet other bloggers, support kinda thing. Then I got back from Philly and just came to a halt on my progress. Then it became a backslide.

Now, it's not like losing weight just for that trip was ever in my mind. I have always had bigger and longer term goals. The trip was a break from the plan, though, and getting back on plan has proven to be much more difficult than I ever expected.

In the spirit of looking at what emotions are going on around this, I admit that there are many things that were tied in to this period of time. Having lost over 50 pounds, buying some new clothes and making a sort of "appearance" in front of family and others who have not seen me in some time - there were high spirits tied to the trip which are sure to be let down when it is over. You come home, back into routine and day to day clothes and there is not that pay off of extra attention.

Also within a few days of coming home, I was entertaining company. I did reign in my desire to make fabulous dessert and breakfast goodies, but I was still not jumping back to my plan. Plus I was drinking wine. I need to find a way to stop feeling "left out" if I am not eating the same way everyone else is.

I also came home to continue a very long and frustrating job search. Which is part of what put some of the weight on me in the last year...

So I have been thinking of some alternatives to getting a job. Maybe some self-employment opportunities. I need to get more aspects of my life in order. Perhaps the difficulty with getting back on plan has to do with making more changes in my life than just my diet.

HEALTHY SHOPPING AT COSTCO

2010-05-28T12:58:00.000-07:00

I am still not 100% back on plan, but I am getting there. This weekend should be the turning point. I went to Costco this moring and found the most beautiful asparagus and some raspberries for the amazing price of $2.99!

I bought 2 rotisserie chickens which I will break down and freeze for salads. A big container of spinach, a big bag of celery hearts and another big bag of romaine. I got 3 bags of frozen chicken breasts and I am thawing and marinating one bag which I will grill and freeze, so they will be at the ready for salads and other quick meals. I cut up some sirloin steaks into cubes and bagged them up and put them in the freezer. They are ready for marinade and then skewering for the grill.

So, I feel very prepared and excited about some nice meals for the coming weeks. The weather is suppposed to improve and I look forward to some time working in the yard, riding my bike and working on a new mosaic.

Those 5 pounds I gained will soon be gone and I'll be taking off more from there.

HEY! THAT HELPED!

2010-05-25T13:13:00.000-07:00

Wow - that confession stuff really works! The rest of the day yesterday I felt so much better and today I have been on plan. I went to the gym, did my workout even though my iPod was dead (a true sign that I have not been taking care of business!) and I took my punishment in stride...I gained 5 pounds since my last weigh in on May 14.

Good thing I know just what to do about it!

1.) Back on my Lifestyle products plus one Lean & Green meal a day (1200 calories)

2.) Work out 5-6 days per week, minimum 30 minutes cardio, 20 minutes weights

3.) Lot's of water and green tea

4.) 8 hours of sleep

I was planning to start my shift from the diet products to regular foods and up the calories to 1400, but I think I will postpone that another month or two.

Oh, and I banished the last of my favorite chunky natural peanut butter from the house. No more peanut butter on celery for at least a month. sob

TRUE CONFESSIONS TIME

2010-05-24T14:17:00.000-07:00

I have been doing so well and enjoying so many nice comments and compliments that it is amazing that I have to write this post...

But I have fallen off the wagon and I am having trouble climbing back up.

This is something I wrote about a while ago. I am single minded when on plan, I lose weight, get to a level of success, then start adding a little in here and there and then a little more and then, go on a trip and try to "eat normal" and KA-BOOM. I am out of control. I was actually pretty good on the trip, as I mentioned in my previous post.

I was a little surprised by how much volume I was eating, considering how small my meals have been. The last night there I ate an entire sandwich. It was a lot of food. That was a red flag. So when I got home, I found I was HUNGRY. And craving carbs.

I started back on plan, then I went out grocery shopping and stopped in to Noah's for bagels for the family. I ate 2 of them. I can't believe I ate them! There were warm and soft and then just down my throat... Then I quickly put the rest in the freezer. I made a good dinner and a Rhubarb Crisp for dessert, which I knew was dangerous but I made a small amount and with everyone around I knew I wouldn't eat much of it and I didn't.

But next day, alone at home, I poked and picked around the kitchen all day and was completely off plan. I tried to count the calories to get myself focused, and swore that today would be on plan again. So far, not so good, but better than yesterday!

I hope that this confession will be the thing to get me climbing back up on that wagon - and back to the gym, too!

PHOTO OP

2010-05-20T10:45:00.000-07:00

I, like many of us who struggle with our weight, shy away from having my picture taken. I just find that the image does not match how I feel I look. So I avoid it. Denial? Yes. Better than self hatred, though.

But I got curious this morning. I did pose for pictures during my daughter's graduation trip and I wanted to see how they looked compared with the last photos I have of myself, which happen to be from last summer. And 59 pounds ago.

The reason I was curious is I realize I do have this tendency to think I look "better" than I actually do. I was feeling very slim on my trip, then I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and was surprised to see how big I still looked. I still have a long way to go to get into a more normal weight range.

But there is no doubt that I look much better than I did last summer. I am much more fit. I remember when we went to Chez Panisse in Berkeley that I was huffing and puffing walking back to our car which was parked uphill from the restaurant. It alarmed my daughter and embarrassed me.

I hope by the time the next big event rolls around that I am even more happy to pose for photos with my family.

REPORTING BACK TO DUTY

2010-05-19T12:14:00.000-07:00

I keep feeling like I must report back to duty after my few days "off" from my diet regime. When I last posted I mentioned that I had a stressful week but managed to meet my goal. Before we left and I was getting everything ready; the house, the laundry, packing, meal planning, snacks for the plane trip, altering clothes, attending Ally's performances - all the little details. Our dog sitter cancelled and I had to find a new one, then the dog developed a sore on her face and I had to make an appointment with the Vet. So yes, stress. And I went off plan - overate, but still met my goal of losing 2 pounds.

I have not weighed in since I got back last night, I had no specific goal for my trip, just to enjoy myself and to get back onto my plan when I got back...

Day one of the trip was fine, diet wise. I had food from home in my carry on and we had a nice dinner at a Greek restaurant. I tried Limoncello for the first time and enjoyed the dips with pita bread, but not to excess!

Once there, the hotel breakfast had a few options which were not bad, like eggs and fruit. Lunches and dinners I did pretty well, too. No really big bad splurges. I tried some of the good bread at lunch one day (no butter.) I shared dessert twice, had a couple of nice salads and an amazing Salmon BLT sandwich on this wonderfully crunchy wheat bread. I had a very nice martini and a couple of glasses of champagne.

The trip home was a different story. Even though we got to the airport at 5:30 for a 7:10 am flight, the security line was so long (shame on you Philly airport!) we didn't have the time we expected we would for breakfast. They were actually boarding our flight when we got there. I grabbed pre-wrapped scones from a vendor and hoped that we would have time during our change of planes 4 hours later to do better...

In Salt Lake City we only had about 20 minutes instead of the hour we were scheduled to have and the choices were pretty slim (and dim). I ended up with a California Pizza Kitchen Margarita Pizza. It tasted great and really made me feel guilty until I found the calorie count online and it wasn't as bad as I expected. It was actually about equal to a salad I looked at and rejected because it had red peppers in it (I can't eat peppers.)

So, my trip was carb heavier than I have been eating and this morning I was feeling it. I was craving carbs. So I will have to go through carb detox again. Sigh. Tomorrow I will weigh in.

LEAVING ON A JET PLANE

2010-05-14T15:25:00.000-07:00

This week has been full of ups and downs. I guess no matter how prepared I am for a trip, I still feel the stress. I have been on and off my plan all week, but, surprisingly, I have still reached my goal for the week.

It made me think about a list of tips I read recently that included a "cheat day" every week. I have never really understood the concept of that because I know that I am likely to take a cheat day and turn it into a cheat week! The idea behind it was not so much to allow for indulgence of cravings, but to allow for a flux in calorie intake which keeps the metabolism off balance.

I have no idea if there is any science behind it, and it it seems more likely to be effective for those who are maintaining weight than on a weight loss regime. For me it has been a relief to know that I won't automatically gain if I have a few days where my calorie count creeps up! Especially since I plan to enjoy some cocktails and nice meals while in Philly over the next few days.

We keep reminding Maggie that we are there to see her graduate, not to eat gourmet meals, but she has been chafing over our request that she find moderately priced restaurants for our meals - she is a foodie and loves the higher end places... after 41/2 months of bars, shakes and the like, I will be thrilled with pretty much anything!

Especially seeing her!

SPRING CHALLENGE

2010-05-10T08:20:00.000-07:00

The Spring Focus has been created as a group effort by Sarah. That's what the new button is on the sideline.

Everyone who participates is going to state their own goal and then we will all have a little accountability and support. For instance, Karen wants to stop overeating at night. I want to transition off the products I have been using and on to regular food, keeping at 1200 calories per day.

Sarah is going to make a list of participants and their goals and we will all check in. So click on her name to go to her post if you want to join the spring challenge! We may not all be trying for bikini readiness - but we can all be a bit better by the summer

GOOD VISIT WITH THE DOC

2010-05-07T10:17:00.000-07:00

We are members of Kaiser, which means we get assigned a doctor. (I have been through 4 OB/GYNs!!) This is my second general doc. She is okay. She is usually very hurried and not too interested in discussing more than 1 or 2 issues per visit. So I asked about the skin thing that has been bothering me and then rushed into the knee pain before she could dash out the door.

Since she could see that my blood pressure was down to normal range and my weight was down by a lot, she did slow down to review things and discuss what I have been up to.

So the knee pain is your basic Patello-Femoral Syndrome. The same thing my family all seem to suffer from. We each seem to have our own varied triggers and pain. As I have mentioned before, ultimately, we end up with knee replacements. So I will continue with the Advil and be careful of my mechanics and rest more when my knees are protesting.

The weight is coming off just fine, so I can't complain about it. I want t be able to walk around easily when I am visiting in Philadelphia, so I am not going to do anything to jeopardise that!

KNEES IN PAIN AGAIN

2010-05-03T14:48:00.000-07:00

I skipped the gym today because my knees are really hurting. I keep trying to use the elliptical machines to vary my work outs and I think I need to give it up. There is something about the mechanics that just does not work for me.

I am fine when I am working out, but later I have been having severe pain just to the inside of my kneecaps. Very bad, not the usual achy kind of pain, sharp pain. So - no more elliptical machine.

I am going to spend more time with the weights. I am feeling the need to firm now that the weather is warmer and I am starting to slim off the layers of fat. So I will do my own circuit training workout with aerobic intervals between the weights.

Now I need to make a new iPod gym mix for that kind of workout...

STARTING TO SHOW

2010-04-30T09:20:00.001-07:00

I wondered when I would start to show. No - I am not pregnant. I wondered when my weight loss would show enough for people to notice and comment.

Last night I hosted my book club. My old friend who knows I have been working on my weight came in first and said I was looking good. then another member I have not seen in a few months due to her schedule said "You look different, your skin looks really good. Have you done something?" Interesting! As the evening went on there were comments and compliments from pretty much everyone.

So - it takes 50 pounds for people to notice. Wait 'till they see the next 50 go!

SICK ON A DIET

2010-04-28T08:21:00.000-07:00

Okay - found another weak spot for sticking to my meal plan. Being sick. I can't really taste anything and I mostly want soup and warm stuff, which isn't what I have available on my plan right now. So yesterday I went off plan to "feed my cold."

Had my Lipton's Chicken Noodle Soup and oatmeal I felt much better. I don't think this is going to throw me off my goal - got to roll with life!

SLIM MODELS AND PLUS SIZE CLOTHES

2010-04-22T14:52:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in my previous post, I shop for my clothes by catalog and online a lot. I have noticed that very few companies actually use large models for their clothes. Mostly I see them in the smaller, boutique companies. Lane Bryant may use an extra curvy woman or two for their ads, but in their catalog, the clothes are on skinny women.

While there is big applause for the use of "real women" in some magazine lay outs and ad campaigns, in reality:

“We found that overweight consumers demonstrated lower self-esteem – and therefore probably less enthusiasm about buying products – after exposure to any size models in ads (versus ads with no models). Also, normal-weight consumers experienced lower self-esteem after exposure to moderately heavy models, such as those in Dove soap’s ‘Real Women’ campaign, than after exposure to moderately thin models.” According to a new study by researchers at ASU, the University of Cologne in Germany and Erasmus University in the Netherlands, which demonstrates a link between model sizes in advertisements and the self-esteem of consumers looking at the ads.

Apparently, seeing what we would really look like in the clothes makes us feel bad, so we would not buy them, we would rather have the fantasy that we look like the thinner models in the clothes. (Rather than actually getting fit and wearing the smaller size.)

The area where we don't mid seeing the large models? When we are viewing ads for weight loos programs and gyms - in other words, when they are the "Before" version.

It appears we need to work on more than our love for fast food in this country! Living in denial is a big problem - or is it living in a fantasy world?

COUNTING DOWN TO MY TRIP

2010-04-20T14:26:00.000-07:00

I am down to the last month before I go to my daughter's graduation. One of the motivations for my diet has been this event. First of all because I didn't want to get kicked off the plane for being too fat to fit one seat. Second because we would be walking all over town and I want to be able to keep up. Third because I want to look nice. Fourth - and most importantly, because I am tired of always worrying about all this stuff and it is time to just be healthy for the rest of my life.

So, I am doing quite well. I am losing, I am walking around and climbing stairs easily, as displayed on the college tours and I am fitting into my smaller clothes. This has not stopped me from shopping, however!

The last time I went to Philadelphia in May it was very hot and very humid. I understand that the heat was unusually high, but with high humidity, even a temperature in the 80 degree range is hot. So I am planning on wearing dresses with light cardigans to the ceremonies; both are being held outdoors, one in the morning and one in the evening.

I end up doing most of my shopping online. The stores carry such limited stock of plus size clothes that I find it frustrating to shop in person. Online the options seem limitless and I have gotten ok with returns and exchanges.

I do wonder about the people who design plus size clothes and what they are thinking sometimes - for instance, why are almost all the dresses sleeveless? Have you seen the arms on us larger women? Do you really want to see our arms? Because I don't! Some sundresses and evening dresses without sleeves - fine. But the rest of them really do need a real sleeve. Not a cap sleeve. Not a flutter sleeve. A real, cover the upper arm kind of sleeve.

So I ended up ordering a couple of dresses which are sleeveless, and I NEVER show my arms. So I am buying a few lightweight cardigans which are short sleeved and long sleeved to coordinate. The dress shown is navy and white from Land's End and I bought a yellow cardigan to go with it and navy wedge sandals.

Getting excited!

INCENTIVES

2010-04-16T14:59:00.000-07:00

This has been one of those weeks when I needed a little push to get to my workouts. Maybe it was because my husband didn't get around to giving me the info for the taxes until Monday...yes, 4 days before tax day...and, as I mentioned, I didn't get the job I interviewed for...so I have been stressed and down in the dumps.

So I promised myself that I would take a trip to the nursery if I made it to the gym all week - and I rewarded myself with that on my way home from my morning work out.

I bought 3 tomato plants, some herbs and strawberries. Plus some flowers to add to my various pots around the patio. I also splurged on a couple of decorative items that they had deeply discounted. I love having little surprises peeking out here and there in the form of garden stakes, wind chimes, bird houses, etc.

So - this may not sound like it is about weight loss, but whatever keeps me motivated that isn't food is the number one dieting tool for me!

SAVE CALORIES AND LOSE WEIGHT?

2010-04-14T19:26:00.000-07:00

There are all these articles and books about cutting out this or that food and by the end of the year you lose 10 pounds!! Or eat this instead of that for lunch every week and you will lose 20 pounds!

Except it isn't true.

On paper it looks good, but in reality, the body adjusts. Most of us life long dieters have known this and have been frustrated by this for years.
But bodies don’t gain or lose weight indefinitely. Eventually, a cascade of biological changes kicks in to help the body maintain a new weight. The JAMA study explains, a person who eats an extra cookie a day will gain some weight, but over time, an increasing proportion of the cookie’s calories also goes to taking care of the extra body weight. Eventually, the body adjusts and stops gaining weight, even if the person continues to eat the cookie.

Similar factors come into play when we skip the extra cookie. We may lose a little weight at first, but soon the body adjusts to the new weight and requires fewer calories.

A 2007 study indicated that small changes did set the stage for bigger, more life changing changes to follow. Like starting with "baby steps" you can't get far if you stick with them, but if you start that way and then move on to bigger and bigger steps, then you are on the way to meaningful changes.

“Once you’re trying for weight loss, you’re out of the small-change realm,” said Dr. Hill, the author of the study. “But the small-steps approach can stop weight gain.”

While small steps are unlikely to solve the nation’s obesity crisis, doctors say losing a little weight, eating more heart-healthy foods and increasing exercise can make a meaningful difference in overall health and risks for heart disease and diabetes.

WE MADE IT HOME!

2010-04-12T09:12:00.000-07:00

We survived our long, long trip - over 1200 miles and 3 colleges. I survived the mix CDs that my daughter made, she even listen to my music for an hour or two. We mostly has sunny weather, though it was cold. And coming over Grants Pass Oregon we even drove through snow! Big fat, wet flakes that melted right away and caused us no difficulties but we pretty to see.

As far as the dieting went, day one I stayed completely on plan. My daughter wanted to get "road snacks" and admitted that she wanted junk food. It wouldn't bother me in terms of my diet, but since she wants to drop a few pounds to fit into her prom dress (which we bought even though it is tight around her waist) I thought she wanted to make some better choices.

So, of course, it became a "you won't let me have what I want" and I am saying "I thought you wanted to be healthy" and pout, pout. Then later she also admits that she doesn't want to eat meals in restaurants if I am not eating. So I thought about it and decided to lighten up on the plan for the rest of the trip. We had "continental breakfasts" in the motels, so I took my meals with me and ate with her without embarrassment and ate lunch and dinner in restaurants with her. I had my Alli capsules and made careful choices.

My big splurge was for some sugar free marionberry pie as I was told it was made on premises. Turns out they may have baked it there, but it did not contain a recognisable berry. I ate around the crust. The taste of the berries was good, but hardly worth a "cheat." Oh, well.

Bottom line - with all the walking on the campus tours and one day in a gym and careful choices - I lost 3 pounds. My daughter is not mad at me and this week she has buckled down to get into that prom dress!

ROAD TRIP

2010-04-05T14:40:00.000-07:00

I am off on a road trip with my youngest daughter to visit colleges. We will be heading up the northern California coast and into Oregon. A very long car trip. I plan to stick with my diet and since she is trying to drop a few pounds for her prom dress, she is motivated to eat well, too.

I booked hotels with pools and one with a gym, so we will get some exercise in - although those campus tours tend to be very long walks up and down, around and around!

I will be back on Sunday!

EXERCISE STUDY IS EXPLAINED

2010-03-31T18:32:00.000-07:00

Someone with some common sense took a look at that study about women needing an hour of exercise every day in order to maintain their weight and calls it BS. Susan Roberts writes on The Daily Beast:

...while exercise is essential for health, when it comes to weight control this new study suggests that the average woman can expect to avoid 0.1 ounces of weight gain a month. In other words, out of the average typical yearly weight gain of 8 ounces per year, she is likely to prevent a less-than-whopping 1.3 ounces—barely more than one-sixteenth of one pound—that would have otherwise occurred without all those trips to the gym.

With numbers like these, can we finally get rid of the propaganda that exercise is a panacea for weight problems? Far from encouraging women to hit the gym even harder, a study like this should send the message that although exercise has many wonderful benefits, preventing weight gain isn’t one of them.

The study actually shows that many of the women in the study who were already overweight and then did exercise an hour a day - get this - gained weight! So, I agree with Rogers, there is much more going on than exercise.

I know for me, I need to exercise. I need it to keep myself limber and flexible. I get stiff and my legs ache if I don't keep up with my exercise. I am sure exercise helps with weight loss, but it isn't as important as calories for me. And it is easier for me to manage my calories if I stay low carb, write down my food intake and stick to a plan.

So the bottom line is, learn what works for you and don't go running off after every new fad or study that comes along!

FAMILY DINNER

2010-03-30T10:18:00.000-07:00

My brother and his wife and daughters are in town from Boise. They are touring colleges around the Bay Area with their youngest daughter and staying with one of my sisters. We gathered at the home of another sister to have dinner last night. I was telling them about my blog post yesterday - the junk food and addiction study.

All of my siblings are slim. All four of them. I am the only one who "takes after" our dad's side of the family (all of whom are overweight.) So when I was talking about food addiction being like drug or alcohol addiction and saying that I would be better off getting hooked on heroin because I would get skinny and be socially acceptable - they thought I was joking around.

And later when they offered me dessert and I said - "no thanks, remember, I'm an addict" - they laughed and laughed.

They really don't get it.

JUST A TASTE

2010-03-29T12:47:00.000-07:00

The headline of the day:

The study, published in the Nature Neuroscience journal, found that when rats consumed a lot of high-fat, high-calorie food, it led to compulsive eating habits - similar to a drug addiction.

Another study that could have saved money by just asking me...or any number of overweight people.

I am sure this story is getting a lot of attention so I will not go through the details, but I will add my experience. Some of us can't eat "what we want" in moderation. My husband is always after me when I turn down foods: "Just have a little", "a bite won't hurt you."

Well, some people can have a little and then move on to the healthy alternatives. Me? When I am off the sugar, the high fat, the rich foods - I need to stay off. One taste and I am drawn back in like an alcoholic back to the bottle, like an addict back to the needle.

My friends and family frequently comment on my will power. Yes. I can be very strong minded when I am off the stuff. But don't ask me to to have just a taste. It is torture. It is why I have spent most of my life fat.

MY THIN(NER) CLOTHES

2010-03-25T11:01:00.000-07:00

Many years ago I gave up on saving my clothes from my much smaller days. They were hopelessly out of date and the likelihood that I would need silk blouses and little suits ever again was slim. So the clothes I have held onto are much more recent and larger - hardly "skinny" clothes.

However, being back in a blouse I wore 4 years ago is quite cheering! Plus, I can almost button myself into a blouse I wore 7 or 8 years ago - so that is very exciting.

I don't really have a goal in terms of weight or dress size. I don't even know with the "new" sizing what size I would be anymore. I do know that I want to be able to shop in the regular departments of the stores. That is my goal.

I have long had a belief that whatever weird, ugly fabric is leftover after all the other clothes are made is what they make the plus size clothes from. Really. Walk through the store and see all the pretty clothes and then walk into the plus size department and see what I mean....I want out of that department!

MORE, MORE, MORE

2010-03-24T16:55:00.000-07:00

The news has been covering the new study which proves that women over 45 must exercise an hour a day JUST TO MAINTAIN their weight. That or eat like a bird, which many older women certainly do. So discouraging for women to hear this when we already struggle to find 30 minutes a day to get exercise.

I am currently exercising about an hour a day 6 days a week (easy to do as I am unemployed right now) and eating about 1200 calories in order to achieve weight loss at a rate which keeps me motivated. I know I can't keep this up, calorie wise. I will need to get my calories up and slow the speed of the weight loss. I think that I will aim to do that after I get under 200 pounds.

I hope hat I will be able to continue the gym routine when I find a job. I am really focused on working close to home and gym so a commute doesn't burn up my time!

In the meantime, I will try not to get too discouraged by this study which makes it clear that this effort will be a lifelong one - I must embrace this as my healthy, life long way of living.

SUNDAY BIKE RIDE

2010-03-21T12:57:00.000-07:00

Tom suggested a more impromptu bike ride today - just to the gym in Livermore. We have done that trip before, it is about 15 miles round trip, a straight shot down a busy 4 lane parkway with a bike trail.

This time he pulled a fast one on me and suggested an alternative route back, going through the vineyard area - the scenic route with just 1 hill, he said.

He didn't mention that it added about 10 miles to the trip!

But it was very pretty and much quieter (less traffic) and it smelled really good, too!

BUSY BUSY

2010-03-19T09:32:00.000-07:00

I have been burning the calories all day everyday this week. Nothing like spring cleaning to keep the metabolism going all day long. I hope the scale shows a nice change - but even if it doesn't, the change in the weather has been great!

Up and down the step stool. Dusting, chasing cobwebs, cleaning blinds and shelves. I have not made it to our little pantry - but that is on the list.

I rented one of those carpet cleaners and have been cleaning area rugs and carpets, including the stairs. I hit Ally's room hard - let's just say she should not have carpet in her room....having taken a "Back Care" class, I used my good techniques and my back is just a bit sore.

The closets are cleaned out and bags are ready for pick-up next week. I am getting rid of my too big clothes right now. I have taken a few things in, the rest - gone.

Today I am cleaning up out on the patio and I have promised the dog a long walk. Spring cleaning and now a walk in the sunshine - now where is that pedometer?

FEELING HUNGRY

2010-03-15T13:17:00.000-07:00

For the past few days I have been feeling hungry. Nothing has changed, just no longer feeling satisfied by the program I am on. I am going to stick with it, but maybe make some minor modifications to see if it helps.

I am eating 6 "snacks" of about 150 calories and a lean protein and vegetable meal, usually for dinner. All adding up to about 1200 calories per day. The snacks are in the form of shakes, bars, cereal which I eat with a bit of low fat milk, little crunchy things like cheerios (flavored with BBQ or sour cream and onion), puddings and there are other choices which I have tried and not liked or haven't tried from the company. These are high protein, moderate carb foods, fairly natural and nutritionally balanced.

I like that the plan is easy to follow. It offers variety in textures and flavors and although I have to be creative in planning the evening meal so it works for all 3 of us, I can usually modify a recipe and make one meal for a family dinner. Last night I made Chicken Picatta with Pasta and I skipped the pasta.

So I am thinking I may double up some of the snacks. For instance, make a double shake so it is more filling and see if that is more satisfying and lasts longer than an hour or so before I am hungry again.

I am already drinking a lot of hot tea and water already. I feel full after I eat my snack, so sometimes I think I just need to distract myself when I feel like I am hungry. Maybe I am just bored, looking for something to occupy myself.

Time to work up a new To Do List with small, distracting tasks.

WORKOUTS ON THE CLOCK

2010-03-10T09:21:00.000-08:00

This morning I enjoyed the benefit of my daughter getting her driver's license. I got up and went directly to the gym at 6:45 instead of waiting to drive her to school first. It was so nice to park easily and the gym was pleasantly uncrowded.

Today I did interval training on the step machine. I read a funny post at Cranky Fitness about interval training suggesting it was like torture, so maybe I don't do it right!

What I do is warm up for 5 minutes, then increase my speed for 60+ seconds to as high/fast as I can, then recover for 1-3 minutes, then repeat. I do this for 30 minutes, then I cool down for 10 minutes.

The benefits of interval training include increased metabolism, increased fat burning and increased cardiovascular fitness. All this in a shorter period of time spent, due to the intensity of the workout. The intensity depends on the individual fitness level. What I could do 6 months ago was much different than what I can do now - and certainly much less that that of an elite athlete! There is a good guide for beginners on Spark People.

ONLY A DENT

2010-03-08T09:51:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling pretty good about myself. I have stayed on plan, been exercising 6 days a week. The pounds are coming off. My husband actually noticed and mentioned that I have lost weight. So, feeling good!

Then, at the gym Sunday. I caught a rear view of myself in a mirror. OMG. That 35 pounds is really just a tiny dent in what needs to be done here. It may be a third of my initial goal, but, clearly, there is much more work to be done!

So - good work so far...I have 10 weeks until Maggie's graduation. So I want to lose 50 pounds before then. Can I do it?

And then the real question. After that big event, can I keep going? That is the real question. Because that will not be the end goal. I want to lose at least another fifty pounds after that. I have been known in the past to fall off the program after an event. So this time, knowing that about myself, I will have to recommit in a big way.

NORMAL

2010-03-04T07:35:00.000-08:00

I was talking with a girlfriend the other day about the fact that I will never be able to eat like normal people do. That I have to eat less than most people to maintain weight and a LOT less to lose weight.

Everyone who knows me can see that I don't really eat that much. I am a waste of money at a buffet. I can nibble all day, but eat large amounts? No way. Yes, I occasionally binge, I sometimes make indulgent choices when faced with a menu, the holidays sometimes extend into March, that sort of thing. And then I am up by many pounds. Compound that by 20 years and here I am.

I realized that I was able to deal with this as a single woman. I didn't eat like most people, I ate mini meals most of the time. But when I got married, actually, when my to be husband and I began to co-habitate, I began to eat like a "normal" person. What I thought a normal person did.

NORMAL. What is normal?

In my mind normal was 3 meals a day and maybe a dessert. Dinner is the meal you have with the family. You have a protein, a vegetable and a starch. Breakfast and lunch are full meals, too. Gaining weight didn't have to do with letting myself go. It had to do with letting myself be normal - what I perceived as normal.

HELLO?

If I couldn't eat that way before, why did I think I could eat that way after? Major disconnect. Of course, it is because I wanted so much to BE normal. I didn't want to be exposed as NOT normal. It is that same magical thinking that if no one sees you eat that hidden stash of goodies then then you won't gain weight from eating it....right?

My girlfriend admonished me in no uncertain terms that she, and no one she knows who is slim and maintains a slim weight eats "normally" as I had perceived it. She very carefully watches her carbs, pretty much always has a salad for lunch, plain protein and veggies for dinner. Her indulgence is wine, not sweets.

And all these years I could have sat down with husband and family and have very small portions, left off the pasta and skipped the rolls; had a salad for lunch instead of polishing off leftovers of the previous night's dinner. I could have easily managed my weight like I did as a single woman without making a big deal about it. And no one would have thought I was ABNORMAL.

Because there is no normal.

ALL KINDS OF NEW FLEXIBILITY

2010-03-01T19:21:00.000-08:00

Today I had the opportunity to see how I could operate with flexibility under my plan. I think it worked pretty well. I went to the gym this morning , then got ready for my job interview - which went really well.

I called an old friend to let her know she is on my references list, she said let's do lunch and I said I'm not eating, but ok. So I ordered carefully to meet my "lean and green" requirements and had a protein bar and some asparagus for my dinner meal. I couldn't pass up the asparagus...it is just too fresh and beautiful.

I think that worked out well, I could have nursed an iced tea and watched her eat, but that seems anti-social. I can understand why some people just choose not to meet people over meals when they are "dieting" but I love sitting with friends over food - there is no reason it has to be decadent food.

In fact, my friend and I split a grilled artichoke which had the most spectacularly flavorful olive oil brushed on it. You know you are getting into fitness when a grilled artichoke is tasting decadent!

I CALL IT FATDAR

2010-02-28T16:45:00.001-08:00

I have a job interview on Monday. I have been trying on clothes ahead of time to see what fits and, happily, I look better in some of my clothes and some need to be taken in a bit. I have a outfit all picked out so I will be less stressed before I head out the door with my resume and references in hand.

Now the only thing I will stress about is whether my interviewer is a secret fattie hater. Because statistically, 43% of employers stigmatize their overweight employees. And that is AFTER they are hired. Considering that there are very few places where there are size discrimination laws on the books, and how hard it is to prove, the likelihood of running into an interviewer with a bias is pretty high.

This Study published by the Yale Rudd Center may explain why:

Research to date suggests that the most common stereotypes about obese employees include views that they are less conscientious, less agreeable, less emotionally stable, and less extraverted that their normal-weight counterparts. To investigate the validity of common stereotypes about overweight job applicants and employees, Roehling and colleagues conducted two studies to examine the relationship between body weight and four relevant personality traits (conscientiousness, agreeableness, emotional stability, and extraversion.) --- No evidence was found for differences in personality characteristics based on weight. These findings help challenge commonly held stereotypes about negative personality traits of overweight employees. ---

Other employers who have openly discussed their reasons for not hiring overweight applicants have listed more basic reasons having to do with their own "experience." One man stated that fat people were weak - unable to resist food, thus weak minded. One woman said they were lazy, and didn't work as hard as thin people. Another suggested that a successful lifestyle meant you would be thin which equalled a successful employee. So, they interview you and they hire someone else who may or may not be a better employee and that is okay with the world right now.

I had a great phone interview, I also made it past the age hurdle. I am very hopeful that this next step will be as positive. I will not assume, if I am not offered a job, that it is my weight as I do not have specific prior experience of the job.

What I do have, kind of like what some women call gaydar, is fatdar. I can tell when I am being judged. I will know.

WORKOUT AND REST

2010-02-24T13:07:00.001-08:00

After the aerobics class yesterday I asked the instructor about this knee pain I have been having. We ran through what I have been doing and her thought was that I either did something out of alignment on the machines or I need a rest. She asked what my schedule has been and got a bit wide eyed and said I need to rest.

So today, I rest. I think that the combination of not seeing the scale going down and feeling like it was time to up my work out efforts got me a little, shall we say, over eager?

I will also admit that is is the influence of a TV show I have never actually watched. The Biggest Loser. I don't know the diet, I don't know the exercise or what all else they do - just that they manage to lose LOT'S of weight in a few months. So, of course, I want to do that.

I also read that the process of building muscle - which we know burns more calories, which is a good thing - requires time to replace the broken down proteins and energy stores. If muscles are not given enough time to recover, they become leaner, which means the metabolism is actually lowered. So this can lead to those dreaded weight loss plateaus that need more exercise or fewer calories to shake things up.

So - lesson learned. Mix things up. Take time to rest after a hard work out. Keep the quality protein in the daily food intake. Drink lots of water and get 8 hours of sleep. All of these things contribute to maximum recovery and metabolism.

SOME WEEKS ARE LIKE THAT

2010-02-22T10:31:00.000-08:00

So I stayed pretty much on plan , went to the gym, 6 times, took the new class twice.

I did not add my calories, so they may be up. I have been adding in a few variations, a little yogurt instead of milk with my cereal. Half a banana. Homemade salad dressing and not measuring all the salad ingredients, etc. Back to my food log this week.

On Saturday my weight was up 2 pounds, and then on Monday it was back to last week's weight. So - no loss, no gain. Some weeks are like that.

I did increase my weights on my machines. My knees are really feeling it. But it is necessary to keep pushing myself. I am sure that the experts would suggest I have gained muscle mass which will burn more fat - that's cool. We'll see.

AEROBICS FOR THE OLDIES

2010-02-18T12:29:00.000-08:00

I have now attended two classes at the gym called CardioFusionRX which is listed as the "gentler on joints" version of the CardioFusion aerobics class. Between the description and the fact that it is held at the retirement (or in my case, unemployment) friendly time of 10:30am, is filled with older ladies.

The instructor is a Latina lady who enthusiastically leads us through samba, rumba and cha-cha moves, entices us to move our hips and add little hops. So far she is the only one hopping, but we gamely try to move our hips and keep up with the footwork. It is a really good workout and a fun alternative to my usual machines.

So, thumbs up on the class.

I usually weigh in on the scale up in on the main workout floor. I am consistent in that I leave my shoes on and I weigh in after my workout. I tried the scale outside the downstairs aerobics room this morning, before the class. It showed another 3 pound loss - but I went upstairs after class to see what the upstairs scale said - nope. Same weight as last weigh in. Consistency is important.

JUST A WALK ON THE TREADMILL

2010-02-15T12:00:00.000-08:00

Tom and I have been starting our weekend with a trip to the gym on Friday evening for a work out which we follow with a dinner out and a stroll around town. It is funny how going out on Friday evening, makes the weekend seem longer, and it has evolved into a date night for us.

Last Friday after dropping Ally at school I automatically went to the gym. It wasn't until I was there that I remembered I would be coming back in the evening - oh well.

So the evening work out I switched it up. Did something new. I got on the treadmill and walked a couple of miles and I played with the incline up and down for some intervals. Afterwards we went out, walked around and my feet were hurting. Went home and watched the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics and my knees were hurting. I took some Advil and got ready for bed and my hips were hurting.

That walk on the treadmill with the incline up and down had me in pain all weekend. Geez. Guess I found something I need to incorporate into my routine - but maybe just a little bit at a time...

At least I lost 2 more pounds.

EMOTIONAL EATING - PART 1

2010-02-14T12:47:00.000-08:00

There are many studies devoted to the connection between emotions and eating. Science has proven that eating a meal alters people's moods and emotions, reduces irritation and has a calming effect. Many of us use food to sooth ourselves or to suppress emotions - when used in this way it is called emotional eating.

Under stress, depression, anxiety - any kind of negative emotions - people often seek the immediate gratification of comfort foods. Studies find it is sweet and fatty foods most often chosen under stress (not to mention larger amounts of food.) For most, it is a temporary lapse. For many, me among them, it is a long term coping device.

Biology plays a part. Not only do sweets taste good, but diet high in carbs releases endorphins and other pleasure stimulating brain chemicals. Stress is reduced, appetite for more is stimulated and a cycle is started that, over time, causes weight gain and recrimination.

My Story

This whole coping mechanism started for me as an adolescent. I am not sure exactly why. I know our aunt came to live with us and she had a severe weight problem. I was repelled by her appearance, yet under her influence a great deal of the time. She would buy "treats" and eat them while out in the car or hide them once home.

I am the the oldest of 5 kids, My position was sort of displaced by my aunt moving in. Plus, I was supposed to finally have my own room, but I ended up sharing it with her.

I think I was ripe for this sort of sense of power. Something I could do for me and not have to share. I was old enough to ride my bike places and buy candy and bring it home and tuck it away just for me to have anytime I wanted. So different than how my mother doled out the occasional sweets. It wasn't large amounts, but it was enough, along with the onset of puberty to bring my weight up and out of the normal range.

By high school my aunt was out of the house, I was very concerned about keeping my weight down and was eating very little most of the time in order to appear "normal" when going out to eat with friends. My emotional eating habits didn't rise up again until college.

More to come...

THE SLOW BURN

2010-02-12T21:16:00.000-08:00

It always happens. It always slows down. The high speed weight drops of the first few weeks slow down and the trip to the scale is less rewarding.

This has been a disappointing week in many respects - so I wish this could have waited, but there it is. No more pounds lost to report.

WORKING THROUGH DIET BOREDOM

2010-02-10T11:23:00.000-08:00

I have been going through a few days of boredom with my eating plan. Wanting some variety in tastes and textures. I spent some extra time in the store and looking through cookbooks to see if I could find some new variations for the "lean and green" meal - usually dinner. It is pretty limited.

It also appears that people who have been on the plan for a long time have found the same thing, they stick to simple variations. I have ordered some different products for my meal replacements. I find that being limited to the products which are controlled in portion and calories really helps me. When the time comes, I'll move on to "regular" meals. For now, this is working. I just wish there were more flavors - seems like everything is chocolate!

I have bought some of the sugar free syrups which can be added to the protein shakes and puddings, although, I think the basic flavor extracts work just as well, if not better.

I have also been playing with some new salad dressings. I made a sort of remoulade dressing for a shrimp salad this weekend with some capers, lemon juice, diced shallot, celery and sugar free catsup and low fat mayo.

Trying to keep things interesting!

I lost another 3 pounds so far this week.