PHOTO OP

I, like many of us who struggle with our weight, shy away from having my picture taken. I just find that the image does not match how I feel I look. So I avoid it. Denial? Yes. Better than self hatred, though.

But I got curious this morning. I did pose for pictures during my daughter's graduation trip and I wanted to see how they looked compared with the last photos I have of myself, which happen to be from last summer. And 59 pounds ago.

The reason I was curious is I realize I do have this tendency to think I look "better" than I actually do. I was feeling very slim on my trip, then I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and was surprised to see how big I still looked. I still have a long way to go to get into a more normal weight range.

But there is no doubt that I look much better than I did last summer. I am much more fit. I remember when we went to Chez Panisse in Berkeley that I was huffing and puffing walking back to our car which was parked uphill from the restaurant. It alarmed my daughter and embarrassed me.

I hope by the time the next big event rolls around that I am even more happy to pose for photos with my family.

REPORTING BACK TO DUTY

I keep feeling like I must report back to duty after my few days "off" from my diet regime. When I last posted I mentioned that I had a stressful week but managed to meet my goal. Before we left and I was getting everything ready; the house, the laundry, packing, meal planning, snacks for the plane trip, altering clothes, attending Ally's performances - all the little details. Our dog sitter cancelled and I had to find a new one, then the dog developed a sore on her face and I had to make an appointment with the Vet. So yes, stress. And I went off plan - overate, but still met my goal of losing 2 pounds.

I have not weighed in since I got back last night, I had no specific goal for my trip, just to enjoy myself and to get back onto my plan when I got back...

Day one of the trip was fine, diet wise. I had food from home in my carry on and we had a nice dinner at a Greek restaurant. I tried Limoncello for the first time and enjoyed the dips with pita bread, but not to excess!

Once there, the hotel breakfast had a few options which were not bad, like eggs and fruit. Lunches and dinners I did pretty well, too. No really big bad splurges. I tried some of the good bread at lunch one day (no butter.) I shared dessert twice, had a couple of nice salads and an amazing Salmon BLT sandwich on this wonderfully crunchy wheat bread. I had a very nice martini and a couple of glasses of champagne.

The trip home was a different story. Even though we got to the airport at 5:30 for a 7:10 am flight, the security line was so long (shame on you Philly airport!) we didn't have the time we expected we would for breakfast. They were actually boarding our flight when we got there. I grabbed pre-wrapped scones from a vendor and hoped that we would have time during our change of planes 4 hours later to do better...

In Salt Lake City we only had about 20 minutes instead of the hour we were scheduled to have and the choices were pretty slim (and dim). I ended up with a California Pizza Kitchen Margarita Pizza. It tasted great and really made me feel guilty until I found the calorie count online and it wasn't as bad as I expected. It was actually about equal to a salad I looked at and rejected because it had red peppers in it (I can't eat peppers.)

So, my trip was carb heavier than I have been eating and this morning I was feeling it. I was craving carbs. So I will have to go through carb detox again. Sigh. Tomorrow I will weigh in.

LEAVING ON A JET PLANE

This week has been full of ups and downs. I guess no matter how prepared I am for a trip, I still feel the stress. I have been on and off my plan all week, but, surprisingly, I have still reached my goal for the week.

It made me think about a list of tips I read recently that included a "cheat day" every week. I have never really understood the concept of that because I know that I am likely to take a cheat day and turn it into a cheat week! The idea behind it was not so much to allow for indulgence of cravings, but to allow for a flux in calorie intake which keeps the metabolism off balance.

I have no idea if there is any science behind it, and it it seems more likely to be effective for those who are maintaining weight than on a weight loss regime. For me it has been a relief to know that I won't automatically gain if I have a few days where my calorie count creeps up! Especially since I plan to enjoy some cocktails and nice meals while in Philly over the next few days.

We keep reminding Maggie that we are there to see her graduate, not to eat gourmet meals, but she has been chafing over our request that she find moderately priced restaurants for our meals - she is a foodie and loves the higher end places... after 41/2 months of bars, shakes and the like, I will be thrilled with pretty much anything!

Especially seeing her!

SPRING CHALLENGE

The Spring Focus has been created as a group effort by Sarah. That's what the new button is on the sideline.

Everyone who participates is going to state their own goal and then we will all have a little accountability and support. For instance, Karen wants to stop overeating at night. I want to transition off the products I have been using and on to regular food, keeping at 1200 calories per day.

Sarah is going to make a list of participants and their goals and we will all check in. So click on her name to go to her post if you want to join the spring challenge! We may not all be trying for bikini readiness - but we can all be a bit better by the summer

GOOD VISIT WITH THE DOC

We are members of Kaiser, which means we get assigned a doctor. (I have been through 4 OB/GYNs!!) This is my second general doc. She is okay. She is usually very hurried and not too interested in discussing more than 1 or 2 issues per visit. So I asked about the skin thing that has been bothering me and then rushed into the knee pain before she could dash out the door.

Since she could see that my blood pressure was down to normal range and my weight was down by a lot, she did slow down to review things and discuss what I have been up to.

So the knee pain is your basic Patello-Femoral Syndrome. The same thing my family all seem to suffer from. We each seem to have our own varied triggers and pain. As I have mentioned before, ultimately, we end up with knee replacements. So I will continue with the Advil and be careful of my mechanics and rest more when my knees are protesting.

The weight is coming off just fine, so I can't complain about it. I want t be able to walk around easily when I am visiting in Philadelphia, so I am not going to do anything to jeopardise that!

KNEES IN PAIN AGAIN

I skipped the gym today because my knees are really hurting. I keep trying to use the elliptical machines to vary my work outs and I think I need to give it up. There is something about the mechanics that just does not work for me.

I am fine when I am working out, but later I have been having severe pain just to the inside of my kneecaps. Very bad, not the usual achy kind of pain, sharp pain. So - no more elliptical machine.

I am going to spend more time with the weights. I am feeling the need to firm now that the weather is warmer and I am starting to slim off the layers of fat. So I will do my own circuit training workout with aerobic intervals between the weights.

Now I need to make a new iPod gym mix for that kind of workout...

STARTING TO SHOW

I wondered when I would start to show. No - I am not pregnant. I wondered when my weight loss would show enough for people to notice and comment.

Last night I hosted my book club. My old friend who knows I have been working on my weight came in first and said I was looking good. then another member I have not seen in a few months due to her schedule said "You look different, your skin looks really good. Have you done something?" Interesting! As the evening went on there were comments and compliments from pretty much everyone.

So - it takes 50 pounds for people to notice. Wait 'till they see the next 50 go!