EMOTIONAL EATING REARS IT'S UGLY HEAD

So this will not turn into a tell-all or a tirade.  I will say that I am not married to one of those super wonderful guys that I so often hear other women writing about when they describe their husbands.  Mine is a difficult man.  He is extremely intelligent, occasionally funny and charming, a good dad but not always a nice or patient man.  After 27 years I am still stung by him, still hurt and sent off my even keel by his words.  (I will say that he never says anything negative about my weight or appearance.)

I don't blame him for my weight issues.  Those started with puberty.  It was much easier to manage my weight when I was single - not cooking for others.  I could shop and cook to my tastes and needs.  I've liked whole grains and natural foods since the 70's and changed my cooking for my family...more irony.

Anyway.  Because I have been out of sorts for the past couple of weeks, so has my eating.  As usual, it isn't like I have gone out and gotten "bad food" to binge on.  I have just eaten too much and not lost any weight.  I have been going up and down a couple of pounds for a few weeks.

I have been thinking about those groups like Overeaters Anonymous where you get support and learn to deal with emotional eating.  I have read the blogs of some women who have attended those groups and I just don't think that approach would work for me.  The structure and higher power thing chafes.  I did attend a few sessions of a Eating Disorders group at my local Kaiser office. The women seemed nice but they had been together for a while an I felt so outside all the inside stuff.  The therapist was very condescending to me when I spoke - it just didn't give me a good feeling. 

I have done some therapy work around these issues. I think I know what they stem from but knowing them doesn't resolve them.  So I need to get myself to that next level where I am stronger against the impulses to soothe/smother my feelings with food.

So, ladies, have any of you with these issues gotten to that level?  How have you managed it?  Advice?

WEIGHT GAIN AND UNEMPLOYMENT

One of the first things I thought of when I lost my job 16 months ago was that I would have more time to devote to the gym and getting healthy.  I was on my feet much of my work day and I enjoyed that.  I had started to get up early and go to the gym before work a few days a week, but the stresses of the job were hard on me.  And I am an emotional eater - so the pounds stayed put.  At least I wasn't gaining.

But the bright side of unemployment didn't manifest for me - and apparently they don't for many unemployed Americans.  Forbes magazine reports that the unemployment rate may just be a contributing factor to the rising obesity rate.  When the unemployment rate was 6% the obesity rate was 33.8%, by 2009 the unemployment rate climbed to 9.7% and the obesity rate climbed with it to 34%.

One woman interviewed said "It was an easy decision to cancel my (gym) membership," she planned to run outside and do more yoga videos in order to keep in shape. "But almost six months later I've packed on 15 pounds and the running shoes I bought to encourage myself to run are still in the box."  She also admitted to snacking a lot more.  "I probably consumed my weight in Wheat Thins each week."

I didn't quit my gym membership and I continued to go at least a few times a week, but I wasn't working very hard.  I grew more depressed and was eating more and didn't feel my best.  By the end of the year I had reached my all time highest weight.  I kept watching the numbers on the scale climb, almost as if  I was daring myself to go higher and higher.  I finally realized that my feelings were not normal and went to the doctor and asked for a referral for counseling. 

That turned things around.  Admitting that I was depressed and that I wasn't being rational got me on the road to being healthy.  There are so many people out there who are unemployed, depressed, lost in their sad feelings about their situation.  Trying to save money by not eating the healthiest food choices.  Sitting in front the computer all day, not getting out and getting exercise.  Eating "treats" to make themselves feel better.  I know, I was there a year ago. 

I hope that those people get the chance I did to break out of that depression and get moving and get healthy.  Unemployment sucks.  No doubt about it.  Feeling better about yourself, however, rocks!

I FLOPPED THE FOURTH

I don't know what has gotten into me this weekend - oh! Yes I do - too much food!

I just don't know why I suddenly started eating so much. And not even particularly special food. Just so much of it. I even had a stomach ache last night. It has been a very long time since I have had so much to eat that I caused myself pain.

It didn't make me feel better. I wasn't feeling bad. Just sort of bored and at loose ends. I made Tom his special cookies from his sports nutrition book - they are for him to take on bike rides for energy. I tasted the batter. I ate some of the cookies. It just got me going. A taste of this and that. Grazing around. Nothing satisfying because, of course, I wasn't hungry and food wasn't really what I was looking for. I kept telling myself that and then half an hour later I would be wandering into the kitchen again.

It didn't help that I was watching a movie with lots of good food in it, I suppose. (I finally watched "It's Complicated.") And yes, I made that connection, too. But I kept wandering into the kitchen tasting this and that until I went to bed.

Then this morning I was dressed and ready for the gym when I decided to work in the yard first while it was still cool. So I changed and worked in the yard for an hour or so and just when I was about finished, I got a call that Tom's bike had broken down and he needed me to go pick him up. I changed out of my dirty gardening clothes and drove off to get him. By the time we were back I made his lunch and then I made myself a sandwich, too. A whole sandwich on a ciabatta roll. I have not had that in over 8 months.

So was that a expression of my frustration? I suppose so. I couldn't say what I was feeling. I think I am very closed off from my feelings right now. Maybe I am eating to try to stir up some feelings.

I don't know if this is a publish worthy post. No insight. I am wondering If I need to go back on my program for a few weeks to get myself back on track. I have been so on and off this past month and now this.

SPRING THING UPDATE

So I sign on for this Spring Focus thing thinking - no problem. I am sooo on track. This will just be a fun, meet other bloggers, support kinda thing. Then I got back from Philly and just came to a halt on my progress. Then it became a backslide.

Now, it's not like losing weight just for that trip was ever in my mind. I have always had bigger and longer term goals. The trip was a break from the plan, though, and getting back on plan has proven to be much more difficult than I ever expected.

In the spirit of looking at what emotions are going on around this, I admit that there are many things that were tied in to this period of time. Having lost over 50 pounds, buying some new clothes and making a sort of "appearance" in front of family and others who have not seen me in some time - there were high spirits tied to the trip which are sure to be let down when it is over. You come home, back into routine and day to day clothes and there is not that pay off of extra attention.

Also within a few days of coming home, I was entertaining company. I did reign in my desire to make fabulous dessert and breakfast goodies, but I was still not jumping back to my plan. Plus I was drinking wine. I need to find a way to stop feeling "left out" if I am not eating the same way everyone else is.

I also came home to continue a very long and frustrating job search. Which is part of what put some of the weight on me in the last year...

So I have been thinking of some alternatives to getting a job. Maybe some self-employment opportunities. I need to get more aspects of my life in order. Perhaps the difficulty with getting back on plan has to do with making more changes in my life than just my diet.

TRUE CONFESSIONS TIME

I have been doing so well and enjoying so many nice comments and compliments that it is amazing that I have to write this post...

But I have fallen off the wagon and I am having trouble climbing back up.

This is something I wrote about a while ago. I am single minded when on plan, I lose weight, get to a level of success, then start adding a little in here and there and then a little more and then, go on a trip and try to "eat normal" and KA-BOOM. I am out of control. I was actually pretty good on the trip, as I mentioned in my previous post.

I was a little surprised by how much volume I was eating, considering how small my meals have been. The last night there I ate an entire sandwich. It was a lot of food. That was a red flag. So when I got home, I found I was HUNGRY. And craving carbs.

I started back on plan, then I went out grocery shopping and stopped in to Noah's for bagels for the family. I ate 2 of them. I can't believe I ate them! There were warm and soft and then just down my throat... Then I quickly put the rest in the freezer. I made a good dinner and a Rhubarb Crisp for dessert, which I knew was dangerous but I made a small amount and with everyone around I knew I wouldn't eat much of it and I didn't.

But next day, alone at home, I poked and picked around the kitchen all day and was completely off plan. I tried to count the calories to get myself focused, and swore that today would be on plan again. So far, not so good, but better than yesterday!

I hope that this confession will be the thing to get me climbing back up on that wagon - and back to the gym, too!

EMOTIONAL EATING - PART 1

There are many studies devoted to the connection between emotions and eating. Science has proven that eating a meal alters people's moods and emotions, reduces irritation and has a calming effect. Many of us use food to sooth ourselves or to suppress emotions - when used in this way it is called emotional eating.

Under stress, depression, anxiety - any kind of negative emotions - people often seek the immediate gratification of comfort foods. Studies find it is sweet and fatty foods most often chosen under stress (not to mention larger amounts of food.) For most, it is a temporary lapse. For many, me among them, it is a long term coping device.


Biology plays a part. Not only do sweets taste good, but diet high in carbs releases endorphins and other pleasure stimulating brain chemicals. Stress is reduced, appetite for more is stimulated and a cycle is started that, over time, causes weight gain and recrimination.

My Story



This whole coping mechanism started for me as an adolescent. I am not sure exactly why. I know our aunt came to live with us and she had a severe weight problem. I was repelled by her appearance, yet under her influence a great deal of the time. She would buy "treats" and eat them while out in the car or hide them once home.





I am the the oldest of 5 kids, My position was sort of displaced by my aunt moving in. Plus, I was supposed to finally have my own room, but I ended up sharing it with her.

I think I was ripe for this sort of sense of power. Something I could do for me and not have to share. I was old enough to ride my bike places and buy candy and bring it home and tuck it away just for me to have anytime I wanted. So different than how my mother doled out the occasional sweets. It wasn't large amounts, but it was enough, along with the onset of puberty to bring my weight up and out of the normal range.

By high school my aunt was out of the house, I was very concerned about keeping my weight down and was eating very little most of the time in order to appear "normal" when going out to eat with friends. My emotional eating habits didn't rise up again until college.

More to come...