OBSESSION

I have a new obsession.

When the blueberries finally came in season and I started eating them each day, I looked around for a little crunch to add to the experience. This granola is amazing. Low fat, low sugar, crunchy heaven.

So, of course, I want to eat it night and day.

I make little deals with myself. If I take the dog for a walk I can have some...

Today on the rowing machine when I was getting tired and I wanted to stop. I kept saying in my head (oh, I hope I said it in my head)

GRAN-O-LA. GRAN-O-LA. GRAN-O-LA. GRAN-O-LA. GRAN-O-LA.

Like I said. Obsessed.

I was afraid to weigh in, but I lost a pound. So I don't have to banish it (like the peanut butter) - yet.

MY KIND OF SUMMER LOVE

One of the goals I have for this month is the switch from my packaged "diet" foods over to real food but keeping my calorie counts about the same. The ease of the packaged foods and the one "lean and green" meal was a great way to get things started and I have been happy with the quick weight loss.

Now that the wonderful summer fruits are out I knew I would not be able to keep away from them and it is time to "get real." It requires much more effort to plan my meals and to count my calories. My daily food logs went from a consistent 6-8 items to 12 and 15 even 20! All depending on how many ingredients go into what I am making. I am going to streamline some of my regular meals and enter them as "favorites" to make it quicker!

The good news is that I have been managing to maintain the calorie counts in the 1200 to 1400 range which was my goal. My weight loss will likely slow down, and that is ok. I was losing 12-15 pounds a month which is great but unrealistic for the long run.

Besides, today I had blueberries and a pluot and I have apricots and nectarines almost ripe and ready to eat...that's worth a little slow down on the weight loss.

MEET MY NEW FRIEND

I spent the last week with ice packs and Advil and feeling sorry for myself and then I just decided to try something new. I am really happy with this new friend I met at the gym:

The rowing machine (not the model on it)! I was not sure that it would work with the knee issues, but the Internet research indicated it would so I gave it a go and I loved it. It is a really good workout (duh) and easier to figure out than I expected (not as uncoordinated as I thought) and it did not hurt while I was on or after.

The bonus was that I asked one of the trainers to just check out my form to make sure I was doing it right and she offered to give me 2 free training sessions! So I am scheduled for Sunday.

I am feeling so much better about things this week. Hurray.

MY CLOTHES ARE TOO LOW CLASS FOR MY TOWN

Sing "My clothes are low class for my town" to the tune of "I'm too sexy for my clothes" and see how you feel...

I have been emptying out the closets of my now too large clothing. Most of it is well worn, scruffy, wear around the house kind of stuff. I do have a few things for occasions and holidays that are nice and barely worn and even a few things bought on sale at the end of the season which were never worn.

I took a dozen things to the Lotus consignment store in Pleasanton which does NOT call itself a "designer" or "upscale" store. I had done my research and I knew my clothes would be rejected in those stores. My most upscale label being Coldwater Creek!

Well, they turned each and every item down. They won't take elastic waistbands even in linen shorts. They won't take cotton summer dresses (too cheap). No explanation on the rejection of the sheath with beaded sweater combination (maybe because it was from Dress Barn Woman?) They would take the silk blouse from Ann Taylor except that they needed $200.00 worth of clothes to open an account. Th sales woman was trying to be nice - but boy did I feel like I have been told I am low class or something! And I have a tough hide about these things.

I said something to her about the styles and labels being known to plus size women (I had a couple of Silhouettes catalog dresses) and explained that the prices of the dresses don't tend to run very high unlike a lot of the designer clothes. She kind of pointed to a rack of clothes and said that they had a plus size section but the owner wanted to keep the prices up at a certain level.

So it seems that, once again, the plus size woman is shut out. I work really hard to dress well. To fit my body and look nice and well groomed. In this shop I felt I was being told that is not good enough. Designers and labels that they think are worthy don't even make clothes that would fit me. So that makes me unworthy, too - right? How else am I to feel?

I will donate my clothes to the American Cancer Society Discovery Shop and they will sell them and that's fine. But I tell you, I will never shop in those consignment stores no matter how small my size gets.

SPRING FOCUS CHECK IN

Okay. I would say I am back on plan about 85%. I keep caving in to disruptions, like having my son come to visit and making broccoli salad which , even though I made a lower fat version and left out the cheese, was like an addictive substance! Wow. I couldn't let that stuff alone!

So I am now 1 pound down from my weight gain, a total of 8 pounds down since the challenge started May 4.

Goals for this week:

1.) Stay on plan 100%

2.) Exercise 5 times

3.) Call doctor about physical therapy for knee pain

4.) Get out on bike in addition to gym work outs

The only event I have this week is my nephew's graduation and my sister is a big supporter of my diet so she will have something for me to eat that won't throw me off plan. She already asked. Oh, and I told her - don't even tempt me with champagne!

CARROT ON A STICK

I am down four of the five pounds that I gained since mid-May. I am back to the gym on a regular basis, but with less enthusiasm, mostly because my knees are hurting. I am enjoying the summer fruits starting to come into the market and just generally I find it is easier to eat lighter meals when the weather is warmer.

So why do I feel so blah about things? Could it be because I need a little more motivation than just doing fine? Do I need the proverbial carrot dangling in front of my nose? I think so. I am going to make a list of upcoming events to aim some goals for:

* Late June - Family BBQ - Lose 1 remaining backslider pound plus 6 more.

* Late August - Back to School Time - Lose additional 25 pounds.

* October - Old Friend Visiting - Lose additional 25 pounds.

So those are my carrots - mostly to do with my appearance in front of people who I have not seen in a while. I suppose it would appear I am losing weight for other people...but really I am just looking forward to shopping for nice new clothes for when I see people!

SPRING THING UPDATE

So I sign on for this Spring Focus thing thinking - no problem. I am sooo on track. This will just be a fun, meet other bloggers, support kinda thing. Then I got back from Philly and just came to a halt on my progress. Then it became a backslide.

Now, it's not like losing weight just for that trip was ever in my mind. I have always had bigger and longer term goals. The trip was a break from the plan, though, and getting back on plan has proven to be much more difficult than I ever expected.

In the spirit of looking at what emotions are going on around this, I admit that there are many things that were tied in to this period of time. Having lost over 50 pounds, buying some new clothes and making a sort of "appearance" in front of family and others who have not seen me in some time - there were high spirits tied to the trip which are sure to be let down when it is over. You come home, back into routine and day to day clothes and there is not that pay off of extra attention.

Also within a few days of coming home, I was entertaining company. I did reign in my desire to make fabulous dessert and breakfast goodies, but I was still not jumping back to my plan. Plus I was drinking wine. I need to find a way to stop feeling "left out" if I am not eating the same way everyone else is.

I also came home to continue a very long and frustrating job search. Which is part of what put some of the weight on me in the last year...

So I have been thinking of some alternatives to getting a job. Maybe some self-employment opportunities. I need to get more aspects of my life in order. Perhaps the difficulty with getting back on plan has to do with making more changes in my life than just my diet.