HUNGRY ALL THE TIME

I had a good weekend.  Ally was out of school for a long holiday  break and we went to the gym together a couple of times and went  grocery shopping one afternoon.  Ally is also trying to drop some weight.  She is confused about how to approach it.

 She is a bit resistant to making an effort to become educated about nutrition and different approaches to weight loss.  She just wants to know what is "good' and "bad" and gets mad when I won't labels things that way.  Ally is like me, she is carb carb sensitive and more of an emotional eater.  Unlike me, she has a limited palate.  (Or perhaps she still needs to grow into it.)  With her limited likes and stubborn nature, it is hard to direct her easily to a good weight loss plan. 

We went through the grocery store aisle by aisle talking about options and choosing foods to buy and how to fit them into her schedule and not look weird at school and if she should try to count calories or cut out fat or carbs or what to do.

And she said to me "But eating this is not going to make me full, I am going to be hungry.  So I am just going to have to be hungry all the time?"  That made me think of those actresses who talk about being hungry all the time to stay thin.  It made me feel so sad and helpless because, yes, we can alter our appetites.  Our stomachs can "shrink" and we will feel full with less. I know that there is a difference between mouth hunger and stomach hunger.  Between wanting to eat and needing to eat.

 But really?  During most of this year that I have been losing weight, I have been hungry.  I have done things to distract myself because I don't think I should be hungry.  I ignore the feeling.  I try to embrace the feeling . But I am hungry.

So how do I tell my child she has to feel hungry to get healthy?

WEIGHT GAIN AND UNEMPLOYMENT

One of the first things I thought of when I lost my job 16 months ago was that I would have more time to devote to the gym and getting healthy.  I was on my feet much of my work day and I enjoyed that.  I had started to get up early and go to the gym before work a few days a week, but the stresses of the job were hard on me.  And I am an emotional eater - so the pounds stayed put.  At least I wasn't gaining.

But the bright side of unemployment didn't manifest for me - and apparently they don't for many unemployed Americans.  Forbes magazine reports that the unemployment rate may just be a contributing factor to the rising obesity rate.  When the unemployment rate was 6% the obesity rate was 33.8%, by 2009 the unemployment rate climbed to 9.7% and the obesity rate climbed with it to 34%.

One woman interviewed said "It was an easy decision to cancel my (gym) membership," she planned to run outside and do more yoga videos in order to keep in shape. "But almost six months later I've packed on 15 pounds and the running shoes I bought to encourage myself to run are still in the box."  She also admitted to snacking a lot more.  "I probably consumed my weight in Wheat Thins each week."

I didn't quit my gym membership and I continued to go at least a few times a week, but I wasn't working very hard.  I grew more depressed and was eating more and didn't feel my best.  By the end of the year I had reached my all time highest weight.  I kept watching the numbers on the scale climb, almost as if  I was daring myself to go higher and higher.  I finally realized that my feelings were not normal and went to the doctor and asked for a referral for counseling. 

That turned things around.  Admitting that I was depressed and that I wasn't being rational got me on the road to being healthy.  There are so many people out there who are unemployed, depressed, lost in their sad feelings about their situation.  Trying to save money by not eating the healthiest food choices.  Sitting in front the computer all day, not getting out and getting exercise.  Eating "treats" to make themselves feel better.  I know, I was there a year ago. 

I hope that those people get the chance I did to break out of that depression and get moving and get healthy.  Unemployment sucks.  No doubt about it.  Feeling better about yourself, however, rocks!

JANUARY 8 - WHAT'S UP?

I have been entering my food to My Food Diary online. The calorie counts have been fairly high, but the point is to get mindfiul and into the habit of making the entries.

I am still coughing like crazy from the New Year's cold I caught - so the activity is limited. But I plan to start to the gym 3 mornings a week starting Tuesday.

Maggie goes back to school on Monday, so I have to get the courage to let her take photos of me before then - then I need to see if I can post them...

THE PLAN - PART 4

I plan to use the diet aid called Alli. I have used the prescription dose in the past with no ill effects. Even though there are horror stories out there about this fat absorbing diet aid, I used it when I was on a low carb diet and never had any problems.

I have a supply of the over the counter product, which is at a smaller dosage. I hope that it is effective, if not, I will see about getting a prescription again. My insurance does not pay for it (hurrah for Kaiser). The Kaiser doctors find it necessary to lecture me about my weight when I go in, but that is as far as Kaiser is willing to go to aid obese patients. Guilt. Very helpful.

THE PLAN - PART 2

We belong to a wonderful gym. It is large, bright and, unlike our last gym, smells good. It has very nice shower facilities, lockers, steam and dry sauna ans whirlpool tub.

I will be going to this wonderful place at least 5 times per week. I will be using my favorite aerobic equipment (featured in the photo a seated step machine), weights, and spend time stretching.

I will weigh myself at least once per week. I say at least because I tend to weigh myself everytime I go to the gym. I don't have a scale at home.

I am interested in working up to the point of taking some classes and trying the elliptical machines. I don't know if I will like them, but at this time I am too heavy to use them. The little foot pads stay firmly on the ground when I mount. Yeah - kinda depressing.

TIME TO GET REAL

I am aware that I am becoming one of those people with multiple ailments, aches and pains and I don't like it. I don't want to talk about it. I keep trying to ignore it. I can't anymore.

For the past several years my weight has climbed from obese to morbidly obese. I have looked into surgery (too expensive). I have dieted, I have exercised. I know what I need to do. I obviously don't want to do it.

I have done as Oprah suggested and peeled back the layers to see what makes me overeat. I have read books and articles. I have gone to the doctor. The last time I successfully lost weight was in 2000. I went low carb. It was fairly easy, though expensive and time consuming.

This new blog will be my area to track my resolve to feel better and make lasting changes in my life. I plan to be pretty brutal with myself. I have asked my daughter to take a revealing photo of me to post.