I don't blame him for my weight issues. Those started with puberty. It was much easier to manage my weight when I was single - not cooking for others. I could shop and cook to my tastes and needs. I've liked whole grains and natural foods since the 70's and changed my cooking for my family...more irony.
Anyway. Because I have been out of sorts for the past couple of weeks, so has my eating. As usual, it isn't like I have gone out and gotten "bad food" to binge on. I have just eaten too much and not lost any weight. I have been going up and down a couple of pounds for a few weeks.
I have been thinking about those groups like Overeaters Anonymous where you get support and learn to deal with emotional eating. I have read the blogs of some women who have attended those groups and I just don't think that approach would work for me. The structure and higher power thing chafes. I did attend a few sessions of a Eating Disorders group at my local Kaiser office. The women seemed nice but they had been together for a while an I felt so outside all the inside stuff. The therapist was very condescending to me when I spoke - it just didn't give me a good feeling.
I have done some therapy work around these issues. I think I know what they stem from but knowing them doesn't resolve them. So I need to get myself to that next level where I am stronger against the impulses to soothe/smother my feelings with food.
So, ladies, have any of you with these issues gotten to that level? How have you managed it? Advice?
9 comments:
I also read about OA on their site and had the same reactions as you; not for me. But I sure did meet their criteria based on their little questionnaire! If the issues all stem from your husband, than maybe you and he need to see someone to work on that. Less drastic and formal, maybe you can find a way to vent. Either in the blog world, to a confidante, in a written journal. I am surprised your therapy work didn't take you to the next step. Hugs.
Interesting question. I too just don't jibe with the OA thing or even really the emotional eating thing, because while I do sometimes overeat due to emotion, a lot of times I don't (plus I think many skinny people emotionally eat too).
I am drawn to explore more in the "mindful" "normal" "intuitive" eating movements, especially where they focus on the behavior instead of a lot of rooting around looking for meaning behind every morsel. I'm starting to dig into this again - part of what I'm considering "HOW to eat" (since we all know a lot about WHAT to eat for weight loss).
I've also found that I better control my eating for non-hunger reasons when I eat far fewer refined carbohydrates. It's been the positive reinforcement regarding bread, sugar, pasta & the ilk being largely banished from my diet. I just feel saner and more in control of my eating with them gone.
Very interested to follow along as you continue to explore this topic, as I will be doing too...
Yes, it was easier keeping the weight down when cooking for one. Many evenings I would be content with steamed spinach and grilled chicken but make the extra carb side for hubby who has one of those physical, works-hard kind of jobs.
I'm a big stress eater and boredom eater. Oh and I like to snack on salty somethings when I read myself to sleep at night. A habit which I have been having better success curbing lately. I read a tip by Judith Beck, PhD, where you imagine yourself in a situation, or in an article of clothing, or engaging in a physical activity, as the thinner, healthier person you hope to become. Picture that hopeful image and say to yourself over and over and over, "Not an option. Not an option." Meaning, the snack or dessert is not an option if I want to achieve my goals. This has worked for me many nights. Not all, but most.
Also, sometimes I make myself eat something healthy, like an orange or a banana, and say to myself, if in 20 minutes I still want a snack, I can think about it then. That helps too.
You can check out Beck's website for more ideas. At one point I subscribed to a news letter where she gave out diet tips (the source for "not an option")
http://www.beckdietsolution.com/Library/InfoManage/Guide.asp?FolderID=1&SessionID={A78761CD-39EB-4D60-95D5-2B5A05A98A58}
And yes, I've thought of OA and have rejected. Don't want to get into that higher power bidness.
I'm an emotional eater too and have worked hard in the past couple of years to curb it. For me, the simplest thing is just not having certain foods around but having plenty of fruits and veggies on hand. Also, telling myself to step out of the pantry and go find something productive to do (go for a walk, fold some laundry, etc.). It's not perfect, for it's helped a lot.
I wish I could offer some words of wisdom. I don't have a lot of emotional stuff attached to food (nothing I can't control fairly easily, anyway), so I have no idea how best to overcome it. For the issues I do have, I just put all my focus on my healthy actions and tell myself to focus on what I *can* control and leave what I can't control alone. I have no idea why that never worked for the first 30 years of adulthood.
I too have been an emotional eater all of my adult life and I am now 51 years young.
Several books have been helpful for me. Dr Phils Ultimate Weight Solution, Geneen Roth's Women Food and God, Dr. Kessler's The End of Overeating,Dr Oz's You On A Diet and the Beck Diet Solution by Judith Beck.
I learned so much from each of these books. I have written book reviews and my thoughts about some of these books on my blog.
Each book taught me something a little different that I was able to identify with and apply to my life. It is hard work to change your reactions when you are an emotional eater. But it is possible, you just have to keep trying and eventually you can break the cycle.
Emotional eating has been my biggest hurdle to overcome. There isn't one answer for one person, much less for me to give advice. One of the most helpful things I learned from someone on the 3 FatChicks Forums was the 5 D's method of coping with food when emotions become a cue to eat: Distract yourself, Deep breaths, Distance yourself from food, Drink water, and lastly Destroy any you can't resist. Again, these are all only coping methods and require that one realizes she is "hankering" for food to stuff down emotions - positive or negative ones.
Also, I understand about not being a group person, and I never bought into the idea that I was powerless. Women get that message too much.
Dealing with emotions is part of being human. My issues with food will probably be life-long, but they get easier each day, with each success, and even with set backs I grow.
You must establish new habits and build new brain neuro circuitry, and let the old habits die from lack of use. There is no magic, just hard work. On the other side is being OK. Look for practical concrete behaviors that will help. For example, the key is not to be able to resist the cookies on the counter, the key is to have NO cookies in the house. Good luck!
I went to one OA meeting and I actually thought it might be helpful--then I got a job and life got crazy.
I don't believe in a higher power, but I do believe in the power of the group and that is what I was planning on thinking of as the higher power.
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