WORKING LATE

I need advice and wisdom on how to deal with the nights I work.  I leave for work at about 4:30 pm.  I usually eat lunch and then a large snack before I go to work.  I take something I can eat quickly and discretely during the evening as I do not get an actual dinner break.  I have taken things like salad or fruit, cheese and whole wheat crackers.  I also take an Atkins bar in case I am really hungry or want something a bit sweet.

I generally eat my "dinner" in two parts during the night before I leave at 1 am.  When I get home, I have a cup of tea to unwind.  I am frequently very hungry again by this time.  I have tried going to bed hungry.  I have tried having a little whole grain cereal or an Atkins bar but what I am really craving is some major carbs.  I realize that is because this is a comfort food for me and I and trying to de-stress from work and get settled enough that I can go to sleep - so this have been a slip sliding area a couple of times.

So - what to do in the middle of the night?  If I save calories for it, I think I will really be hungry during the day but having veggies in the middle of he night is not going to satisfy part of the "hunger" going on.  I don't sleep late enough the next day to make up for the "late night meal."  Do I just make allowances for extra calories 3 nights a week? 

FEELING BETTER - A FRESH START

Last week I had a bad cold.  I joked that I went outside my usual little routine of home, gym and grocery shopping and ventured to the mall with my daughter and exposed myself to the big bad world of germs! 

I didn't go to the gym or the store or even to the mailbox for 5 days.  I was miserable.  I didn't concern myself with my diet plan and overate carbs and calories.  I will see the damage tomorrow when I go back to the gym.  I am not going to beat myself up over it.  I see today as a new start.  I have been struggling all summer trying to find my way, trying to find my "plan."

I lost the first 50 pounds or so using products from Lifestyle.  I was so determined and I stuck with it even though I was hungry most of the time.  Then I wanted to go off the products and maintain the calories at the same 1200 level on good foods.  I know I am triggered by carbs, so the plan was low carb ( whole grain only, no sugar, fruit ok.)  To stay in the 1200 range carbs are not a good choice, anyway.  As I said, this has been a struggle.  I have had trouble with foods I overate - like peanut butter and oatmeal/granola.  I have had trouble with my family being bored by my repetitive meals. 

And I don't like that it has been so 2 pounds off, 1 pound back, no loss for two weeks.  It is frustrating and I just don't care to always feel like I should be berating myself .  So - what to do?

I need a more specific plan.  Not back to the products, although I have some left and will use them as snacks and meal subs when appropriate.  No Atkins style low carb because that is not how I want to live the rest of my life, but I must be aware of how very sensitive I seem to be to bread/pasta/carbs (have some - want more, more, more!)

I like Cammy's plan of 5-7 fruits and veggies daily, low fat proteins and whole grains.  I will need more specifics, just winging it day by day has not been working for me - so I am going to work out a list of meal plans and calorie counts to keep myself in the 1200-1500 range.

Any other input?

BACK TO BASICS IT IS

I just posted a comment on Karen's blog say that we are all looking for something great and it isn't going to be found in food. Now why is it that I have that great insight when I am commenting on some one's blog but not when I am in the middle of my own grazing forays in my kitchen?!

I know, I know. None of us do, and that is why we band together in tribes and therapy groups and blogospheres! It takes a village to get healthy.

So my shipment of my program product came yesterday and I am back on with the small addition of 2 fruits a day. I will not miss out on my beloved summer fruit.

Thanks all for your comments and support!

I FLOPPED THE FOURTH

I don't know what has gotten into me this weekend - oh! Yes I do - too much food!

I just don't know why I suddenly started eating so much. And not even particularly special food. Just so much of it. I even had a stomach ache last night. It has been a very long time since I have had so much to eat that I caused myself pain.

It didn't make me feel better. I wasn't feeling bad. Just sort of bored and at loose ends. I made Tom his special cookies from his sports nutrition book - they are for him to take on bike rides for energy. I tasted the batter. I ate some of the cookies. It just got me going. A taste of this and that. Grazing around. Nothing satisfying because, of course, I wasn't hungry and food wasn't really what I was looking for. I kept telling myself that and then half an hour later I would be wandering into the kitchen again.

It didn't help that I was watching a movie with lots of good food in it, I suppose. (I finally watched "It's Complicated.") And yes, I made that connection, too. But I kept wandering into the kitchen tasting this and that until I went to bed.

Then this morning I was dressed and ready for the gym when I decided to work in the yard first while it was still cool. So I changed and worked in the yard for an hour or so and just when I was about finished, I got a call that Tom's bike had broken down and he needed me to go pick him up. I changed out of my dirty gardening clothes and drove off to get him. By the time we were back I made his lunch and then I made myself a sandwich, too. A whole sandwich on a ciabatta roll. I have not had that in over 8 months.

So was that a expression of my frustration? I suppose so. I couldn't say what I was feeling. I think I am very closed off from my feelings right now. Maybe I am eating to try to stir up some feelings.

I don't know if this is a publish worthy post. No insight. I am wondering If I need to go back on my program for a few weeks to get myself back on track. I have been so on and off this past month and now this.

SPRING FOCUS CHECK IN

Okay. I would say I am back on plan about 85%. I keep caving in to disruptions, like having my son come to visit and making broccoli salad which , even though I made a lower fat version and left out the cheese, was like an addictive substance! Wow. I couldn't let that stuff alone!

So I am now 1 pound down from my weight gain, a total of 8 pounds down since the challenge started May 4.

Goals for this week:

1.) Stay on plan 100%

2.) Exercise 5 times

3.) Call doctor about physical therapy for knee pain

4.) Get out on bike in addition to gym work outs

The only event I have this week is my nephew's graduation and my sister is a big supporter of my diet so she will have something for me to eat that won't throw me off plan. She already asked. Oh, and I told her - don't even tempt me with champagne!

SPRING THING UPDATE

So I sign on for this Spring Focus thing thinking - no problem. I am sooo on track. This will just be a fun, meet other bloggers, support kinda thing. Then I got back from Philly and just came to a halt on my progress. Then it became a backslide.

Now, it's not like losing weight just for that trip was ever in my mind. I have always had bigger and longer term goals. The trip was a break from the plan, though, and getting back on plan has proven to be much more difficult than I ever expected.

In the spirit of looking at what emotions are going on around this, I admit that there are many things that were tied in to this period of time. Having lost over 50 pounds, buying some new clothes and making a sort of "appearance" in front of family and others who have not seen me in some time - there were high spirits tied to the trip which are sure to be let down when it is over. You come home, back into routine and day to day clothes and there is not that pay off of extra attention.

Also within a few days of coming home, I was entertaining company. I did reign in my desire to make fabulous dessert and breakfast goodies, but I was still not jumping back to my plan. Plus I was drinking wine. I need to find a way to stop feeling "left out" if I am not eating the same way everyone else is.

I also came home to continue a very long and frustrating job search. Which is part of what put some of the weight on me in the last year...

So I have been thinking of some alternatives to getting a job. Maybe some self-employment opportunities. I need to get more aspects of my life in order. Perhaps the difficulty with getting back on plan has to do with making more changes in my life than just my diet.

HEALTHY SHOPPING AT COSTCO

I am still not 100% back on plan, but I am getting there. This weekend should be the turning point. I went to Costco this moring and found the most beautiful asparagus and some raspberries for the amazing price of $2.99!

I bought 2 rotisserie chickens which I will break down and freeze for salads. A big container of spinach, a big bag of celery hearts and another big bag of romaine. I got 3 bags of frozen chicken breasts and I am thawing and marinating one bag which I will grill and freeze, so they will be at the ready for salads and other quick meals. I cut up some sirloin steaks into cubes and bagged them up and put them in the freezer. They are ready for marinade and then skewering for the grill.

So, I feel very prepared and excited about some nice meals for the coming weeks. The weather is suppposed to improve and I look forward to some time working in the yard, riding my bike and working on a new mosaic.

Those 5 pounds I gained will soon be gone and I'll be taking off more from there.

HEY! THAT HELPED!

Wow - that confession stuff really works! The rest of the day yesterday I felt so much better and today I have been on plan. I went to the gym, did my workout even though my iPod was dead (a true sign that I have not been taking care of business!) and I took my punishment in stride...I gained 5 pounds since my last weigh in on May 14.

Good thing I know just what to do about it!

1.) Back on my Lifestyle products plus one Lean & Green meal a day (1200 calories)

2.) Work out 5-6 days per week, minimum 30 minutes cardio, 20 minutes weights

3.) Lot's of water and green tea

4.) 8 hours of sleep

I was planning to start my shift from the diet products to regular foods and up the calories to 1400, but I think I will postpone that another month or two.

Oh, and I banished the last of my favorite chunky natural peanut butter from the house. No more peanut butter on celery for at least a month. sob

WE MADE IT HOME!

We survived our long, long trip - over 1200 miles and 3 colleges. I survived the mix CDs that my daughter made, she even listen to my music for an hour or two. We mostly has sunny weather, though it was cold. And coming over Grants Pass Oregon we even drove through snow! Big fat, wet flakes that melted right away and caused us no difficulties but we pretty to see.

As far as the dieting went, day one I stayed completely on plan. My daughter wanted to get "road snacks" and admitted that she wanted junk food. It wouldn't bother me in terms of my diet, but since she wants to drop a few pounds to fit into her prom dress (which we bought even though it is tight around her waist) I thought she wanted to make some better choices.

So, of course, it became a "you won't let me have what I want" and I am saying "I thought you wanted to be healthy" and pout, pout. Then later she also admits that she doesn't want to eat meals in restaurants if I am not eating. So I thought about it and decided to lighten up on the plan for the rest of the trip. We had "continental breakfasts" in the motels, so I took my meals with me and ate with her without embarrassment and ate lunch and dinner in restaurants with her. I had my Alli capsules and made careful choices.

My big splurge was for some sugar free marionberry pie as I was told it was made on premises. Turns out they may have baked it there, but it did not contain a recognisable berry. I ate around the crust. The taste of the berries was good, but hardly worth a "cheat." Oh, well.

Bottom line - with all the walking on the campus tours and one day in a gym and careful choices - I lost 3 pounds. My daughter is not mad at me and this week she has buckled down to get into that prom dress!

WORKING THROUGH DIET BOREDOM

I have been going through a few days of boredom with my eating plan. Wanting some variety in tastes and textures. I spent some extra time in the store and looking through cookbooks to see if I could find some new variations for the "lean and green" meal - usually dinner. It is pretty limited.

It also appears that people who have been on the plan for a long time have found the same thing, they stick to simple variations. I have ordered some different products for my meal replacements. I find that being limited to the products which are controlled in portion and calories really helps me. When the time comes, I'll move on to "regular" meals. For now, this is working. I just wish there were more flavors - seems like everything is chocolate!

I have bought some of the sugar free syrups which can be added to the protein shakes and puddings, although, I think the basic flavor extracts work just as well, if not better.

I have also been playing with some new salad dressings. I made a sort of remoulade dressing for a shrimp salad this weekend with some capers, lemon juice, diced shallot, celery and sugar free catsup and low fat mayo.

Trying to keep things interesting!

I lost another 3 pounds so far this week.

STRESS BRINGS OUT THE PEANUT BUTTER

I am thinking I may have to stop buying peanut butter. I posted on my regular blog about my scary day, Thursday in the ER, with Ally - her first migraine. She called from school today thinking she was getting one again. I zoomed over with the new medicine she is supposed to have immediately and then came home and got more and more nervous waiting to hear from her.

I had my proper plan breakfast and mid-morning snack. Then I pulled out the celery and crunched through 5 or 6 stalks and then the peanut butter came out. Since I did not measure, but rather used the celery to scoop, the amount would be a guess. I'll honesty say I stopped myself at about 1/2 cup. It may have been less, but I doubt it.

So I did not eat again until dinner and then had salad with some chicken.

Ally is ok. But I should stop buying peanut butter.